Sleep Deprived

I've had problems with my sleep for almost as many years as I've been alive.  In the past few years I can have 2-3 nights where I get next to no sleep but then I'll take an Advil PM and sleep like a baby.  This usually results in resetting my sleep pattern and I sleep fairly well for weeks to months.

For some reason, since Shelley and John took the burden of lot rent off my shoulders, I can't sleep at all.  It's not worry that keeps me awake but thoughts full of "should I allow them to do this?, what can a buy for the trailer to help them?, can they really get some worthwhile use out of it?".  I think my conscience is bothering me.

Any way, this lack of sleep finally caught up with me yesterday in a scary and very dangerous incident.  I'd gone over to Shelley's to have lunch with them and Sam's family...after having a seriously sleepless night which I thought I could fix with a late afternoon nap.  On the drive back home, I knew I was very tired but it's only an hour and 15 minute drive which I was sure would be no problem for me.  Nope.

I became aware that, when I'd blink, my eyes would not reopen immediately.  I was darned well falling asleep at the wheel!  Determined to persevere, get home and have a nap, I stupidly kept on driving.  At one point, I drifted over to the next lane where the noise from the bump strips jarred me awake.  Thank heavens there was no car next to me because I'd had no control over my falling asleep.  Like I said, it would happen when my eyes blinked and then didn't reopen.

This frightened me awake and I was able to make it home without further incident but it seared in my brain how dangerous it is to drive when you're tired.  I don't know how I'll manage from here on in because I have so many sleepless nights and drive to Tampa on a regular basis.  Last night I took half an Advil PM and slept well.  Maybe I'll take the half pill a few times a week and see if that helps regulate my sleep.  Otherwise I'll have to be smart enough to pull off the highway whenever I feel too tired to drive.  I've done this when I've done the long drive from Canada to Florida...just pulled into a rest stop and rested my eyes for 15 minutes or so before carrying on.

I'm now frighteningly aware how quickly one can fall asleep at the wheel.  

Merry Christmas2015

I don't know about anyone else but I never looked ahead to the day I'd be celebrating Christmas at 75.  In all honesty, I didn't think I'd still be around and having as much enjoyment in my life as I do.  There's something to be said about taking each day at a time and enjoying it the best we can.

When my children were young we always had an open house for the whole family on Christmas Eve.  It was a hectic but magically happy time when biggest joy was spending this time with our extended family.

One of our traditions was for the children to open one present each on Christmas Eve and it was always new pyjamas so they'd look decent in the next morning's photos.  

Christmas morning was spent watching the happiness of my children as they opened their gifts.  Some memories stand out a bit more, like when we put Dennis' name on one of Kim's gifts and she thought she'd been short changed for a moment.

Another tradition for us was the yearly jig saw puzzle that Dennis and whoever else would spend hours putting together.  The only Christmas I remember the grandsons working along with him was when I bought a jig saw puzzle where the picture was all women's butts.  Jim would always work along with Dennis no matter what the picture was.

Boxing day held more traditions for us.  Dennis would make a huge pot of turkey soup and some of the relatives would stop by for a bowl of it.  It was like the calm after the storm but still held all the joy of the Christmas season.

Christmas doesn't represent presents to me.  It is a time of joyful spirit and being thankful for all the good in your life.  

Today I'll have Christmas dinner at the clubhouse with maybe 150 people, many are good friends.  Tomorrow I'll head over to Tampa to spend time with the Alvarez family and get to meet Lisette's boyfriend, Danny.  In our family, Christmas is probably the most loved holiday of all and I've heard Shelley will carry on her father's tradition of making that spectacular turkey soup.  I can't wait!

Merry Christmas!

Life Changer

My life changed today and I'm still reeling from what it all means.  Shelley and John have bought my trailer and are taking over the dreaded lot rent.  They also want to do some improvements but I can afford to do some myself now.  The benefit is all mine and it's a gift from them that just amazes me.  I definitely would have had to sell the trailer this year or walk away from it because I can no longer afford the lot rent...the Canadian dollar continues to drop against the American dollar and that is what is strangling me.

I felt very uneasy about burdening Shelley and John with my problem but they're looking to the future when Kim and Cindy will want somewhere to spend their winters when they retire.  We certainly are a strongly bound family who takes care of family.

This park is very close to Disney and I'm fine with Shelley letting family (but only family) stay here when I'm not here.  She knows about the need to close up the trailer properly, too.  I may only have a few short years left to come here but at least I won't be worried constantly about the cost.  

I've already got some improvements I'll make and I can't wait to get started.  First on my list are awnings for 2 windows that have been leaking.  Then I'm going to replace the flooring either with ceramic tile (if the trailer floor will support it) or vinyl tile.  It makes a big difference how much money I plan to spend because now it will be for my family and John's family.  I hadn't wanted to put another penny into the trailer because I'd thought it would either be going to a stranger or being turned over to the park.  This is going to be fun!

Oh yes, another thing happened today that was both bad and good.  As I was leaving Shelley's to go home, I saw a note under my car's windshield wipers.  It was from a lady who apologized for hitting my car and she'd left her phone number.  An honest lady!!

I checked the car and saw some damage to the right rear side and shed a silent tear or two.  I love my car.  John called the lady who doesn't want to go through her insurance but will pay for the repair.  I called my insurance company who said that was fine but I should get her insurance number, too, just in case she didn't pay.  I trust this lady because she could have walked away from the accident and not left the note with her phone number.

It's been a life changing day in a few ways.  Most incredibly wonderful! 

Update:  I got repair quotes for $1700...never expected it to be that high.  The lady who hit me decided to go through her insurance and they have already arranged for the repair to start on Monday.  They'll also provide me with a rental car to use until it's done.  All in all, it's an inconvenience for me but it's turned out to be well handled.  I'm thankful!

Surprise

I put my trailer up for sale last week because our Canadian dollar has dropped so drastically that it's become ridiculous for me to keep the trailer with it's high lot rent.  It wasn't a move that broke my heart but it did mean that my life would be changing and not necessarily for the better...just the wy lives change all the time.

John and Shelley phoned me a few days ago and offered to buy the trailer so I could continue to winter in Florida.  I can't tell you how that made me feel...awed, loved, scared, unsure.  My mind filled with thoughts of how my husband's life work is what gave me the trailer to begin with and now our daughter's would be what gave it to me for a little longer.  My biggest fear is that I'd get sick and not be able to come here anyway and they'd be burdened with it.  There are so many cons for them buying it and the only pros are for me to be able to winter in Florida for a few more years as long as my health holds out.

I'm going over to Tampa today to talk to them about it and make some kind of decision.  I still feel all those things I felt when they first offered.

Yes, I'd love to keep coming back here to the park for a while yet, maybe not for 5-6 months but for 3-4 months instead.  I love it here and I love the people who have become my friends but I can't get past wondering how fair it is for Shelley and John to carry the financial burden for me.

I'll just have to wait and see.

My Lizard

I was going to take a picture of the lizard that lives in my Florida room but he seems to be hiding right now.  Most days he seems to sit near the patio doors and stares me down as I walk by him.  He's quite a defiant little lizard but he does move quickly away if I get too close.

It's interesting that I, who am terrified of bugs and vermin, can abide a lizard in my domain.  I have no fear of them as long as they don't startle me so I try to limit them to the Florida room and attempt to remove any that find their way into the actual trailer.

The truth is that, if you live in the south, you'll find the odd bug or lizard in your home.  I'm not sure how he got into mine because I'm very careful about keeping the outside door closed tight but I guess they dart quickly and somehow do find their way in.  Anyway, as long as he's in the Florida room and not too big he can stay.

Life in the south!!

Settled Down

Since I got to Florida, I haven't been able to really settle in and be content for the winter because too much is different this year.  I've resumed playing cards every Tuesday and Thursday and Bingo on Wednesdays and Fridays but I miss Sylvia's presence every time.  The difference makes me sad.

The park put up a "for sale" sign in front of my trailer yesterday so now I wait and hope for a quick sale even though I'm not going back home until April.  For me, it's like the end to an era where I enjoyed my winter in the sun since 1999 (first 3 months here).  I'm not sad to leave, though, because I recognize it as the time to go.

We all have passages in our lives where certain things prevail and my 16+ winters in Florida were an unexpected blessing in my life.  I'm thankful I had this time and I'll always treasure it but I'll also be able to create another different but pleasant life back home in the winters. 

Life is all about making the best of any situation and that's exactly what I'll do from this moment on.

Verizon Drives Me Nuts

Every year I have a problem with Verizon...usually my service hasn't been put on.  This year the phone and internet worked like a dream and I was a happy snowbird.  Today I got my first bill and they'd overcharged me by at least $26 for the phone (who knows how much of the weird and unexplainable fees on top of that?) and refused to take it off my bill even though they admitted it was their fault.  I cancelled the phone and might lose the internet because I think it needs the phone to work.  It's still working now and I don't know why.  Sigh!

I thought it would be so simple.  I put my $50 service on vacation in April and re-instated it for November 14th.  They gave me a new service by mistake and that's where the extra $26 cost came in.  I wonder if they do this on purpose thinking people won't notice and just pay the bill??  Anyway, I called them and they agreed I'd been charged for the wrong service and would change it for the following month but wouldn't refund the overcharge from last month.  You have to know I was completely pissed off and finally told them to shut off my phone right then and there.  They did.  Now I have to get a cell phone which is no big problem but I bet they'll continue billing me for the money I'm refusing to pay them.  

I hate Verizon.

I May Have Been Offensive

I would never be deliberately offensive but I may have done it accidentally.  My family knows I'm not racist but not everybody does and that may have been my mistake.

Anyway, the other day I put out some shelving with a "free" sign on it.  Unfortunately for me, it was also garbage pick-up day and the person who took the shelving also took my new garbage box that was sitting right by the shelving.  Honest mistake.

I had no idea who had picked up the shelving until my neighbor came over and I mentioned losing the garbage box.  He said he'd seen who picked up the shelving and it was a black man.  Now, I was very happy because we have only one black family in the park which made them easy to find.  I asked around to find out where they lived and drove my little self right up there.

Now comes the "maybe offensive" part but I'm still not sure.

I knocked on the door and Artie answered.  I asked if he was the one who picked up the shelving and the box and he said he was, laughing as he realized he shouldn't have taken the box.  I said, in all innocence and with no offensive intent, "I'm so glad it was a black person who took it because you're the only black family in the park.  I'd never have found it otherwise".  Now I'm wondering if I mentioned that my neighbor told me it was a black man.  Oh, crap!  Maybe he thought I meant that only a black person would have taken it.  I hate having to worry about my words being taken the wrong way!

Anyway, I'm not sure if I should approach him and try to explain myself or if that would just make matters worse.  Crap!!

Okay, here is what I'll do.  Artie's wife, Dee, is often at the clubhouse so I'll ask her if her husband told her about the garbage box incident.  Then I'll tell her that my neighbor told me he saw a black man take it and say that really helped because I knew there was only one black family in the park.  I'm either going to dig myself a deeper hole or make myself understood.  I'll hope for the latter.

Update:  Sometimes things sort themselves out and they did this time.  My friends told me to not say anything to the couple because I'd just make matters worse.  I didn't think they were right but I'm often wrong (obviously) so I stayed quiet.

During my Friday morning coffee get-together, Dee joined us for the first time and I was so happy.  It meant that I hadn't offended her husband and that meant a lot to me.  I wisely said nothing to her about the incident and we all enjoyed or coffee time!  

Trailer For Sale!

It's done.  Trish came over and took some photos for their website and suggested I put the trailer up for sale for $12,000.  I decided that $9,900 was more reasonable because I really do want to sell it this winter and I don't want it overpriced so that no-one even looks at it.  Anything I make will be banked to pay for any rental I might get in the next few winters.

I looked around my sweet little trailer and really do love it.  I just don't want the burden of paying for it with our devalued dollar.  It slid up to over $1.39 for a U.S. dollar today and who knows how much worse it will get.

I've already picked out the trailer I want to rent next year even though I probably have zero chances of getting it.  It's a new one and will not have a Florida room but I don't care about that.

I figure I may as well wish for the stars (a sale of $9,000 and a rental for next year) and hope for the best!

I'm Bored

I haven't been bored in so long and now that's the way I've felt a lot since getting to the trailer.  Sylvia isn't here and that's probably the main reason but not the total one.  One of my friends mentioned last night that she's becoming bored, too, and thinks it's because of how the park is changing.  I agree.  There doesn't seem to be much permanence here now and there are "for sale" signs up all over the park.  The poor Canadian dollar and the quickly rising lot rent here is really worrying me.

I walked out to put my trash at the curb this morning and actually thought about how many dollars it's cost me to do that.  Crazy!  All told, this 5 months stay in Florida is costing me about $8500 Cdn and that is ridiculous.  I can't and won't justify it.

Anyway, I'm going to sell this year or next at the latest and begin a different path in life.  What will be will be.  

Getting It Ready

When I make a firm decision to do something I usually jump right into the preparations.  Having decided to sell the trailer, I spent a few hours today gathering together everything I felt had no place here and was nothing I wanted to take home.  I called Joann to come over and have first choice and then put everything else out on the patio with a huge "free" sign.

Things moved slowly until Dallas came by.  Thanks to him I only had a few items to take to the Salvation Army.  I was very happy and I hope his wife, Donna, was happy with what he brought home.

After leaving the Salvation Army, I drove to Walmart to purchase "for sale" signs.  I had planned on letting the park sell the trailer but 2 people have told me the park demands $700 up front when you sign on with them.  I'm not about to do that so may end up selling it myself.  I'll go up to the office tomorrow and get the facts straight, though.

I really have no idea what to charge for the trailer and will have to consult with some of my friends for advice.

Anyway, I made a lot of headway today toward selling.  I won't be leaving until April 1st and that might be a problem but who knows?  We'll just have to wait and see what happens.  If it doesn't sell, I'll just come back again next winter.

Update:  The people who told me about $700 up front were wrong.  The office charges 8% or $700, whichever is higher, to sell your trailer.  The charge is for when the trailer sells and not before.  I can live with that!

The Clearing Begins

Today I decide what I want to keep from the trailer.  I've told Joann she can have anything I want to clear out and anything left will first go out on a "free" table for the park residents.  Anything left on the table will go to the Salvation Army.

This won't leave the trailer looking too empty but just a bit neater for the future owner.  I have no regrets about selling because "it's time".

Probably the most clutter is the packaging I used for Ebay and that's easy to dispose of.  I have a few ornaments that don't have any special meaning...except for my sweet little Furbys that I'll take home with me.  I also have one gorgeous flower vase I want to keep.  I was wise to take home most everything else I treasured over the past couple of years so I doubt my trunk will be too full.  I will take home my new T.V. if the trailer sells before I leave, too.

I'm a big believer that there is a season for everything in our lives.  My wonderful seasons of wintering in Florida might have come to an end but my life hasn't.  I still have lots of fun times ahead of me but they'll just be a little different than they have been since 1998.  There's no sadness to selling the trailer but an interest in wondering just what next winter holds for me.  Will I be able to rent for 3 months here in the park?  Will I have to stay home in the cold but make a positive life for myself there?

Whatever, I have the attitude that it will be good wherever I happen to land. 

Major Decision

I made a final decision today to sell the trailer in April (if I can) through the office even though they charge 8% of the sale.  They will look after handling the paperwork and that takes a load off my mind.  I'll hope to get a 3 month rental here for next year but, if I can't, I'm not going to worry about it.  All good things come to an end sometime and what will be will be.

I put my final lot rent deposit in the bank which will cover me through March 31st and any money made from the sale will be deposited to pay for a rental if I get one.  

I feel good about this so maybe it really is time for the change. 

Can't Understand

Something has been irritating me for a few days.  Not irritating in the sense it made me mad but irritating in the sense that I wish I'd never heard it.  Every time I remember, I want to power wash my mind to erase the memory.  I don't want to know anyone who is cruel enough to think the way this person does.

One of our ladies in the park just might have passed away today.  I haven't heard for sure yet but the story going around the park is that she is brain dead and would be unplugged from life support this morning.  She was a friend of mine, one I admired for her spirit and her personality.  She's suffered terribly from one illness after another for the past couple of years and wasn't expected to survive for most of that time.  But she did...over and over.  She'd often be able to leave the hospital for a while and continue a not so bad quality of life here thanks to the care she received from her good husband.  This would last for a few weeks or months at a time before bad health forced her back to the hospital.

She was doing okay when I left the park in the spring but in the hospital when I got down here this year.  I remember thinking she must be superhuman to survive so many serious illnesses...much involved her breathing and infections.  I've never expected that her lifespan would be too long because the myriad illnesses she'd suffered had weakened her so much.  I wasn't surprised that her body finally gave up the fight and she just let go.

And now the ugly part.  One of the ladies here who apparently didn't like my friend said that Karma took care of her and that she got what she deserved.  This woman had no idea and didn't care how hurtful and foul her words were to my ears.  She'd just finished telling me how important her religion is to her...how can that be??  She'd just finished telling me that she won't attend dog races because of how poorly the dogs are treated.  She had more compassion for the dogs than she did for a poor sick human being.  How can that be??  I understand that this awful woman is not liked herself and for good reason but her words still haunt me.  How can you be a deeply religious person and still have a heart full of hate??  How could anyone be happy that even their worst enemy should suffer and die??  From what I know, my friend simply opposed one or more of the woman's suggestions for change in the park... changes we all opposed.  There might be reason to dislike my friend but not hate her so terribly.

The woman had previously invited me to come to her trailer and share in one of her religious ceremonies and I'd accepted.  I couldn't go now.  As much as I hate confrontation, I will be very open to her about my reasons for refusing to go.   I am repulsed by her words.

Having a confrontation with this woman won't have any effect on my social life here in the park but it will be detrimental to my peace of mind.  I'll be repulsed every time I see her even if no confrontation ever occurs.  In my whole life I don't think I've ever experienced such vile thinking and I've seen a lot that wasn't nice.

I needed to put this in the blog, maybe to try to understand it.  It hasn't helped.    

Snake!

I know they're out there but I just don't ever want to see them.  Last night I came home around 9 P.M. after a fun evening of cards at the clubhouse and, as I stepped onto my patio, I saw a rope like thing hanging from one of the flower planters.  I hesitated, remembering the same rope like thing that once hung from the inside of the Florid room window...and I recognized it as a snake.

Thank heavens I didn't have to pee because it was a nervous struggle trying to open the lock on the door and keep an eye on any movement from the snake.  The good thing is it had disappeared by this morning.  I don't care where as long as it's not near me and I can't see it.

There But For The Grace

Every so often something comes up that reminds me how unbelievably lucky we were with one of our little ones.  Today I was watching a program on T.V. about the devastating effects of a man who was molested at age 10.  Of course the effect of being molested at any age is going to be a negative one so that was no surprise.  You cannot harm a child and not have it cause repercussions in their adulthood.

Our little one was about 8-9 years old when he almost became a victim of a pedophile teacher.  This teacher took too much of an interest in this little boy which didn't become a red flag until he brought home gifts that his teacher had given him.  Besides that, the teacher had attempted to get the parents to allow him to take our little boy away overnight.  It makes me sick to think how this monster teacher was grooming a child in order to violate him.  The parents were wise enough to refuse to let the teacher take him overnight and when the gifts began to appear, they were wise enough to notify the principal of the school.  She was horrified and stopped all contact between the teacher and our little boy.

The sad part about this is that the teacher left the school but it's unknown if he simply moved on to another school where parents, students, and staff were not informed as to the danger he represented.  All this happened a few decades ago so I'm assuming that was probably the case.

Most times when we hear of a child being molested by a teacher or even a priest, the main red flag was that the molester determinedly arranged to get the child alone and the parents were lulled into believing their child was safe with a reputable person.

There was a hockey coach in our city who was allowed private overnight access to young boys by their parents for many years.  He molested many of them.  Their parents were led to believe their children were given special attention because of their hockey skills.  I often wonder what difficulties those boys grew up with and how much blame they laid on their parents for the molestation.

Love your children enough to protect them...even if you're a bit over-protective.  If they're in sports, attend overnights with them instead of sending them off alone.  Be on the alert for any adult "grooming" of you or your child in order to get them alone.  

I will be forever grateful that my daughter and her husband saw the red flags and took action.  It almost certainly saved our little one's innocence.  

Living Another Year

I must feel certain I'll live another year at least because I just purchased 10 beautiful necklaces to sell at a craft show next fall.  I'm being wise and limiting my purchase to 10 of them (I have 2 at home I bought for myself but don't like) because I learned not to go overboard with any new interest.

Kim is a little worried but the thing is this...I bought only beautiful necklaces that I would be happy to wear if they don't sell.  And I believe my family would love them, too, so they won't be wasted.

I really like the craft shows and talking to people so I'm going to try to keep that going for as long as I can...and for as long as my daughters are willing to help me with them.