John McCain's Memorial Service

I love the rituals and traditions involved with honoring true heroes and McCain's memorial service was beautiful.  He'd developed life long friendships with both Democrats and Republicans who loved him dearly.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?  You don't turn your back on a friendship because the person belongs to a different political party than you do.  Yet, I see some awful postings on Facebook every day by Republicans (always Republicans) demonizing every single Democrat.  It's both ridiculous and scary.

Trump wasn't at the memorial service because McCain didn't want him there.  There was much dislike on both sides even though they belong to the same party.

Trump's insults to McCain are too many to mention but one stands out to me.  Trump was being interviewed and the subject of McCain came up where he was described as a war hero.  Trump agreed but added, "yes, but he was captured and I prefer the ones who aren't captured".  This from a man who escaped any military duty because he had bone spurs on his feet (they don't interfere with his golf games, though).  I wondered how many military vets saw that interview and cringed at Trump's ignorance.  One of my dear friends is a Trump supporter and also a fierce supporter of the military and their veterans.  How would she handle this??

John McCain had class.  Trump has none.

President Trump Not Invited

Senator John McCain left explicit orders for his funeral.  He asked for ex President Bush and ex President Obama to speak but he made it very clear he did not want President Trump at the funeral.  Trump had been quite disrespectful of McCain for a long time and there was no love loss between them but it still must smart for Trump to know he was not welcome at an American hero's funeral.  And, yes, McCain was definitely a hero who loved the United States more than he did himself.  He was also a gentleman and Trump, with all his money, can't buy gentility.

I had hoped McCain would have won the presidency in one of his two attempts but my firm belief is that he lost the last attempt only because Sarah Palin was his running mate.  She is a twit and unpopular with many people.

If he had won that election, he probably would have also won the one where Trump was elected and the world would be a better place.  Trump has turned the world upside down, either by his ignorance or his cruel nature.

John McCain was as close to an ethical politician as we could ever hope for and, for me, that's saying a lot. 

Post Colonoscopy

Both colonoscopy and endoscopy went okay except I have a twisted bowel about 3" from the end of it.  I was given an internal catscan (not pleasant but didn't hurt) and will find out later if I need that section of the colon removed surgically.  What did I say about them always finding something???

I'm not going to find fault with this, though, because a twisted colon can be very dangerous and even cause death.  I'm lucky I'm having no symptoms from it and that it was identified early.  If it needs to be removed, I'll have that done.

Poor Kim ended up taking almost the whole day off work to be with me.  We should have been done by noon but waiting for the CT (which I was very lucky to have done quickly in the afternoon) meant we didn't leave the hospital until about 3:30 P.M.  We'd been there since about 8:30 A.M.

I checked on the internet and discovered that a twisted colon can be caused by many things but one of them is by intensive coughing.  I had 2 severe colds this past spring where I coughed myself almost to death.  I wonder if that's what caused it for me?

Anyway, the dreaded endoscopy and colonoscopy were not so bad but the solution you have to drink the day before is pretty horrible.  Kim had told me to chew gum between each glass of solution and that helped a tiny bit.

Now to wait and see if I need surgery.

Before the Colonoscopy

I picked up the solution I have to take tomorrow to cleanse myself for the colonoscopy on Monday.  The whole process sounds disgusting.  I've been given lots of advice on how to do it best but the consensus is still that I'll be spending most of the day tomorrow on the toilet.  Like I said, disgusting.

I've been advised to chew gun after each drink of the bad tasting solution.  I've been advised to eat sparingly today.  I can't eat anything tomorrow and can only drink water so I feel like this is some kind of torture I'm being forced to go through.  It's hard to believe people actually consent to having a colonoscopy when there is no evidence of anything wrong.  Are they masochists??

Mine is to rule out internal bleeding of some kind which could have led to my anemia so I can understand it should be done.  The fact that my anemia is all but gone and I feel perfectly fine means I would have refused the damned colonoscopy if I wasn't afraid of my daughters.  Kim is taking me to my appointment on Monday...probably to make sure I don't skip out.

Apparently I won't know the results of the tests until Nov. 2 when I go back for the follow-up appointment.  I can't make any Florida plans or even bother getting my out-of-country insurance until after that.  I'm not happy. 

Loss of Humanity

I've seen actual photos or videos before of people using their cell phones to record a treasured event or a tragedy and it always fills me with dismay.  Today I saw a terrible cartoon video of how our society has become one of recorders rather than eye witnesses...parents who record their child's recitals rather than watch it themselves, masses of people recording violence and suicides as though they're not really happening.  Do they record these events so they can relive them over and over when they never lived through them once?

You see people surrounding a fight and egging on the fighters instead of trying to stop the violence.  You see people talking on their cell phones instead of engaging with the people around them.  You see neighbors videotaping neighbors who offend them.  It has become a world of second hand experiences.

My daughters can't understand why I don't want to carry a cell phone with me wherever I go and the truth is that I don't want to be tied to it.  I must be in the vast minority, though, because everywhere I go I see so many people talking on their cell phones...while shopping, while waiting in lines, while driving, while walking, and even while sitting on a public toilet, etc.  What is so important to need a phone call wherever you go and whatever you're doing?

A lot of people use their phones for more than talking...they do their banking, security surveillance on their homes, games, and so much more and it has become like an extension to their bodies.  I don't want that.  I want freedom.  I sure don't want to be out having a good time only to have my phone ring and someone I don't know try to sell me a duct cleaning service.

I saw a photo once of a group of students walking down the street to school and each had their heads down looking at their cell phones.  Just think how their world could open up to them if they actually spoke to someone else in the group instead of silently texting someone not even there.  Those kids looked like robots.

I read somewhere that just the position of neck and head hanging forward the way they do to use the cell phone will have a physical effect on the spine in years to come.  Remember the hunchback?  That will be nothing compared to the number of people who have learned to isolate themselves from physical contact with others.  They will have become a society of one.    

Aeron's Shower

What a perfect day!  The weather finally broke from our oppressive heat and humidity and the rain ended, too.  We couldn't have asked for better weather for a backyard shower.  Cindy and Don had worked for weeks making their backyard even more beautiful than ever and setting up seating and tables that would be plenty for all the guests.  Kyle was our cute and talented bartender.

There were a few good friends but most of the guests were either our family or Jake's.  It was lovely!  And the best loved surprise guests were John and Shelley who we'd thought wouldn't be able to make it up from Tampa.  They must have the most understanding bosses in the world!

It was wonderful to watch the younger generation of women...Kim, Tammy, Shelley, Valerie, Rochelle, Sarah...keeping Cindy out of the kitchen and doing the serving.  The men got into some of the preparations, too.  Anything to give Cindy a break and allow her to enjoy the fruits of her labor.

Don, Matt, and Tyson did most of the barbecuing and we ate and ate and ate at each item was ready.  Kyle made us lovely drinks inbetween courses.  

Sweet Aeron wandered around wearing a tiara (suited our princess perfectly) and everyone seemed to be enjoying the evening immensely.  Mary had been staying with me for a few days and she was there, too, which made me very happy.

Our family had grown up with lots of activities with their aunts, uncles and cousins and that was evident in how they all participated in the evening.  It certainly was a family affair!

My one big regret is that I didn't have enough time to spend with Shelley and John who had flown up from Florida and with Tammy who had flown up from New Brunswick.  The good thing is that they had plenty of time with Kim and Cindy.

I'd had a very busy few days before the shower and the day of the shower so yesterday I roused myself only enough to make my bed and did nothing else but eat and nap all day.  I must be getting old.

The wedding is September 14th and I'm looking forward to another fabulous family event.  Jake's family is very close and lots of fun so it will be a good blending of families.

Would You?

If you had a friend who continuously lied, continuously insulted people, used his influence to destroy other's lives, cheated on his wife...would you still want him as a friend?  Apparently a lot of Americans want him as their president.  I can't understand it.

Decor On A Dime

This is a really nice consignment store on the mountain so Donna and I went there yesterday.  It's full (but not crowded) with a mixture of new and used items and the place is clean and tidy...a pleasure to shop at.

I was wandering through for the second time (you have to make a few circles or you'll miss some great stuff) and a lightbulb went off in my head.  I wondered about selling my Swedish weaving there!!  The staff was very helpful and told me to bring some for them to see and they would display it.  Whoopie!!

I've decided to just take them my used pieces because I never sell them at the craft shows and they just kind of pile up in the cupboard.  They're ones I've used myself but then put aside when I just wanted a change in color so they still look like new.  I've been wondering what to do with them so this could be fun.

It's funny how opportunities pop up unexpectedly like this.  I can sell them cheaply because they're used, too.

And on I go with another chapter in this 78th year of my life.  Old, but still having fun!    

Bra Styles

I've been buying the exact same style and brand underwear for years and it makes it so easy to go out and purchase new ones when needed.  You don't have to try a bunch of bras on to get the right fit (in the case of underpants, it's just a guessing game because you can't try them on before buying).  I buy the underpants at Walmart in the States because they're half the price as in Walmart here in Canada.  I found this fabulous bra by accident at one of the outlet stores in Florida and was lucky enough to keep finding it for a few years but last year had to buy from Amazon here in Canada and they were darned expensive.  I'm considering changing brands.

It turns out that I had to buy a black bra to wear with my outfit last year for Nicole's wedding and I was forced to try on many bras here in Canada.  Why, oh why, does the same sized bra in different styles and brands not fit the same??

Anyway, I did find a nice one that I liked very much and now think I might go buy some more but preferably in beige.  The trouble is that my size is mainly available in black and only occasionally in white.  Why would that happen?  Most women wear beige bras...I think!

And so I'm off today to shop for a few new bras and hope I don't come home with another black one.

On Being Happy

It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that the way to happiness and contentment is to appreciate what you have in your life that is good.  No-one has a perfect life and some have perfectly miserable lives but as long as there is hope for better times there can be happiness.

I was brought up poor but never really felt that way because I lived in a clean home with decent meals.  I never felt that I'd be poor when I grew up but I never desired to be rich, either, just comfortable.  Here I am now living up to my expectations.  LOL!

Some people enjoy drama in their lives and that's something I dislike intensely.  Some people enjoy being alone and I do, too, but not all the time.  I enjoy being with good people and even yakking away to strangers.  I honestly think we have to reach old age before we can really be ourselves.  We stop worrying about impressing others because we want to enjoy the limited number of days we have left.  Life really is short.  You might not think that when you're young but it is sure pounded home to you once you reach middle age.

I just love watching the sun come up in the morning and it makes me wonder why I didn't appreciate it more in my younger days, just took it for granted.  I love seeing the miracle growing in a pregnant woman's belly, usually popped out and proud in a form fitting t-shirt.  In my day, we pretended it didn't exist by wearing ugly big maternity clothes...so stupid!  I love the earthy smell after the rain.  I revel in the excess energy of a young child who just can't sit still.  I truly love the sweet innocence in their faces before the outside world hardens them.

I love the natural beauty of flowers and have even grown to appreciate the natural beauty of weeds.  I'm amazed by the beautiful art created by other people and sometimes by little old me.  I admire people who create outside the box, making beauty out of nothing.

I got up quite early this morning when it was still dark and walked into my livingroom, lit only by the moonlight.  It was so pretty.  It's true that happiness and contentment can be found everywhere.  You just have to look.

Suicide

I listened with sadness to the voice recording of the man who stole a plane and deliberately crashed it, killing himself.  He sounded almost normal and it brought to mind how people, depressed and hurting terribly, are able to put on such a good face that one might not know how they really were feeling.  It happens all the time.

He acknowledged how he had people in his life who cared for him...this surprised me a little because I would have thought he would cling to that and save himself.  He apologized for what he was doing.  He made sure he crashed the plane where it would hurt no-one else and that told me he had a good soul.

I'm a suicide survivor and have a good understanding of what a person's emotional condition is when they reach the point of having no hope.  There is no logic, only severe emotional and physical pain.  But for him to still understand that he had people who cared about him makes it difficult for me to know why he'd still want to die.  Granted, there is much ugliness in our everyday lives but there is also the potential for all that is good and beautiful.  When does one forget that potential?  

My dark days happened half a lifetime ago and I've lived some of the most beautiful days since that time.  Suicide is not attempted when the mind is clear but when it's filled with only what is bad in their life.  And no life is ever 100% bad.

I wish someone could have helped him before he lost all hope.  

Charlottesville, Virginia

This is 2018 and today there will be a march in Charlottesville, Virginia by a large group of brain dead people promoting a white skin only society.  There will also be a thinking person's protest against the brain dead.  People will get hurt or maybe killed.  This will all be about skin color.

I repeat, this is 2018 and some are still fighting over skin color.

The city has been declared to be in a state of emergency and the national guard has been called in to try to keep the peace.  All of this chaos in the year 2018 and over skin color.

If it wasn't so sad, it would be laughable.

New Hope

Maybe all people who suffer a stroke have many ups and downs but Wayne is surprising the heck out of me.  Some of the family have already gone down to what they (and everyone else) thought was a time to say goodbye to him but the news is that he is actually improving.  He's still in very serious condition but he is somewhat alert and recognizing his surroundings and that, to me, is miraculous.  It means a good portion of his brain is working.  The stroke paralyzed his right side which has caused food to get into his right lung (I hope I got this right) and that caused pneumonia which is being treated.  He does try to speak but his speech is garbled and that is to be expected with a stroke.  It's not necessarily permanent.

I have some hope now, though.  The future will probably be filled with treatment and therapy but at least we do have hope.

Dying With Dignity

How fortunate we are in Canada to now have the option of choosing to end our lives when there is no hope for recovery and we're in pain or discomfort.  This has always been my choice and many years ago, when it was illegal, Joyce and I made a pact to help each other die with dignity when our times came.  I'm sure many people have done just that whether it was illegal or not.  But now we have been given a humane choice and I'm forever thankful to the right thinking people who made it possible, at least here in Canada.

For the life of me, I can't see why so many religious people are against us choosing to end our own lives in the circumstances I mentioned.  Why would any loving god want us to suffer in agony when there is no chance to recover from our illness?  I remember Sylvia and I discussing the evil behavior of pedophile priests and she said they have been given free will to make their own choices, good or bad.  Doesn't that mean we have also been given the right to our own free choice to end our lives at the appropriate time?

Assisted dying might not be for everyone but nothing much is.  Why should someone who is dying be forced to spend countless days or months in agony or even coma because of another's ethics?  They can choose as they please but let me have a choice, too.

Right now my dear brother-in-law is in his final days on earth and, as much as I hate the thought of never seeing him again, I ache to have his misery ended for him.  If there was any hope he'd recover, we'd all be so happy but there will come a time when we have to accept he's gone even though medical intervention is the only thing keeping his heart beating.  I don't consider that life.  

Life is when we can interact on any level with people.  Life is when our minds aren't fogged up with medication to dull physical pain.  Life is when there is hope.  

Yes, I'm very grateful that we have legalized assisted dying in Canada.  I may never need it but it eases my mind to know it's available if and when I do.

Sad

Wayne's condition has worsened and it appears it's really the end for him.  Maybe it's a good thing I can't go to see him right now because I'll always picture him as tall and loose limbed, smiling, and a gentle soul.  That's how he was for most of his life but old age dragged him down.  It does that to all of us, I guess.

Wayne's stroke has done enough damage that he can't fight his way back and I hope Rhonda can let him go.  I was sitting crying last night remembering the good old days when Wayne was a vital young man and knowing he wouldn't want to remain the way he is right now.  I bet most seniors would say the same thing.  If we can't have some semblance of our normal healthy life, then let's just move on to what's next.

There aren't too many of my generation of loved ones left and it hurts to think of how many have passed away.  It's almost like losing a part of your own life because everything you shared with that loved one is also gone, with only memories left.  

I'm feeling low today and wondering for the millionth time just why we're here in the first place.  My hope is that we find out in the hereafter.  

Faye and Val are driving down today to spend what could be Wayne's last hours with him.  This is a sad day for our family.   

Tomorrow is my Birthday

Like Dennis used to say, "if I'd known I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself".  Just a note to younger people...when you're old, you don't feel old in your mind.  You might feel it in body pain but, unless you look in a mirror, you usually forget just how old you are.  Try to avoid mirrors!

Why, if I feel this well, do I have so many doctor's appointments and 2 trips to the ER in the past few months?  Why am I relatively happy and content when there might be something awful going on inside my body?  I feel sort of betrayed.  My body is giving out mixed signals and that is a pain in the butt!

Well, tomorrow I'll be 78 years old...can't believe I'm that old!!!  The best thing I've accomplished in all of those years on this earth is giving birth to Kim, Cindy, and Shelley who are 3 of the most wonderful human beings anyone could have contributed.  Other than producing these angels, I haven't done much else of note and that's why I wonder just why I've survived so far.

I was thinking the other night that I've lived 10 years longer than Dennis did but he was a go-getter who lived his life with much more adventure and accomplishment than most people.  I guess I'm a shimmer and not a spark but that's okay.  

Cindy is having me over for a birthday dinner tomorrow and it's so good to feel loved and cared for by my girls.  No matter what happens in the future, I've been blessed with my girls and that's a fact!

Night in the ER

I've had more health scares this past couple of years that amounted to nothing so I should be grateful.  I spent 5 months thinking I was dying because a catscan showed I had a 3 1/2 centimeter cyst that wasn't even there (I felt perfectly fine all of that 5 months).  I spent 6 1/2 hours in ER in April because my doctor was worried about an increased heart rate when I had a miserable cold and couldn't stop coughing.  I spent another 6 hours in ER last night because of that same increased heart rate which the ER doctors weren't worried about.  I feel perfectly fine with no pain, no nausea, no nothing!

I'm at the point where I'm a little concerned that my doctor is over-reacting but I'm afraid to ignore him.  I have always had a higher than average heart rate so, when I'm sick or nervous, it will go up.  When should I worry??

Yesterday I felt perfectly fine and just went to my family doctor for a regular check-up.  He read my blood work results and said all was just peachy.  He took my blood pressure and that was peachy, too.  Then he checked my pulse and frowned.  So he sent me immediately to an internist in the building who immediately gave me an EKG.  It was fine and he said there was nothing wrong with my heart but I might have internal bleeding which was causing it to beat too fast.  He sent me to ER.  I had to get poor Kim to leave work and we sat in that damned waiting room for 6 hours.  Cindy relieved her halfway through and was the one to drive me home.  My heart rate continued to drop back to normal the more relaxed I got.

I figure I have to listen to my doctor but I'm always a little nervous when I see one..hence the increased heart rate.  I guess the only thing I can do is keep on living my life and hoping the upcoming colonoscopy and endoscopy are OK.  I want to get to a time when I don't have to see any doctors at all.

Health Coverage

I kind of know what my government health insurance covers but we tend to ignore learning more about it until we need it.  Whether you live in Canada or the States, basic health coverage will not get you into a decent nursing home and that's a fact.  It's quite frightening to think of having to pay upwards of $5,000 per month to receive decent nursing home care and only those with excellent insurance or the proceeds of their house will be able to afford it even for a short time.  Most of us end up with only having the proceeds of our house or nothing at all.

I've just started collecting the money I made when I sold the house 5 years ago and hate to think of depleting the balance.  I honestly don't think I'll use it all in my lifetime but nursing home costs are rising fast.  It's a worry.

My Cindy has stated she won't put me in a nursing home when my time comes but that worries me even more.  I dread disrupting her life and will fight to the end to stay on my own.  In the back of my mind, I see myself living alone and needing just a little help maybe with cleaning and cooking.  I hope my vision is correct.

Whatever happens in my final years, I know my daughters will be there for me and I'm ever so grateful for that.  It's sad that many seniors are abandoned by their children who don't want the responsibility of caring for them when it's needed.

This is a subject that depresses me so I'm finished with it now.  On to happier thoughts!