Walmart Grocery Pick-Up

I had tried earlier to register for grocery pick-up at Walmart but wasn't able to finish the registration...not positive why.  Cindy urged me to try again and I did that yesterday and was able to complete it.  I might have been trying to do things out of order when I first tried and that's why it didn't work.  Anyway, I got registered, ordered my groceries, and I pick them up on Tuesday.  I don't need anything sooner than that so the wait is fine with me.  I'll still have to go to the grocery stores for odds and ends once in a while but I can continue grocery shopping this way forever if I choose.

I posted my success on Facebook and Aeron commented that curbside grocery pick-up was also perfect for mothers with babies (or even just kids in general).  I remember when my daughters were young, we'd just leave them in the car while we grocery shopped.  It was safe then, unlike the horror show of depravity we now live in.  I remember one time walking back to the car and seeing it rocking.  Not what you might think!  Kim and Cindy were battling fiercely in the back seat.  I'm so glad they love each other now but they fought terribly when they both lived at home.  Sometimes love can only survive with a bit of distance.

I've been up since 2:30, unable to sleep again so tonight I'll take a melatonin tablet.  I get a wonderful night's sleep when I do but I don't like to take them regularly.  I have friends who take one every night but I don't want to get used to that.

Kim visited me after work yesterday and we sat in the apartment lobby chatting.  This is frowned on right now but she and I kept our 6' distance the whole time and it was such a pleasure for me to spend even a short while with one of my babies.  Kim will be 62 on the 30th but she will always be my baby!  She and Cindy each bought new bikes to ride for exercise this summer.  They live pretty close to each other and bike riding is a pleasant way to exercise.

Well, I've finished playing my computer games and writing in the blog so maybe it's time to get dressed and do some Swedish weaving.  Life may not be great right now but it's not so bad, either.

Like Getting Our of Jail

Since March 19th, I've made one little trip to the drugstore and kept myself isolated in my little apartment for the rest of the time.  Yesterday was a glorious, sunny but cool, day and I decided to go for a nice long drive.  Now, "long" for me means maybe 2 hours because I'll need to pee and there's nowhere outside of home for me to do that.

I took my face mask just in case there was a little outdoor market I could stop at but there was nothing open.  I'm lucky enough to love in an area where you can drive half an hour and hit farming areas where lots of outdoor markets can be found but not today.

Anyway, I enjoyed the drive and then made the decision to go to a grocery store if I could find one with little or no line-ups outside.  I ended up at my regular grocery store and saw NO line-up but, by the time I got parked, there was a short one.  No problem.  After not much of a wait, I was inside the grocery store and I couldn't believe how good that made me feel.  The choices in front of me were mind boggling.  I'd kept my lists short when my daughters were shopping for me but now I could buy like a bandit!

I ended up getting $100 worth of groceries...much more than my usual but I think I went a little overboard with my enthusiasm.  My problem with giving my daughters short lists is that I'd forget some little thing needed for one of my recipes.  I had hamburger, rice, onions, and seasoning back home for a hamburger soup but no carrots or cabbage.  Now I do and that's what I'm making today.

I'm used to grocery shopping every few days just for a few things at a time but it's a little too unsafe to do that now so I'll shop once a week.  I know it's slightly unsafe but the good it does for my mental well being is worth it to me.

I noticed about half the people I saw were wearing masks and that saddens me.  It's a reminder that our world has changed drastically.  I also noticed that the store clerks weren't wearing masks and I would have felt more comfortable if they had.  The masks aren't comfortable and definitely inhibit your breathing so I can see why no-one would want to wear one all day long.  Just think of the medical people who have no choice.

And so, today, I feel more like my old self after just having done a bit of grocery shopping, and that's got to be worth something

Words Spoken

When I was angry with Faye on the way home from Florida, I knew that it was best we kept our distance for a while because words spoken in anger can never be forgotten.  We might still love or care for the person who has hurt us with words but something changes and that's usually trust.  I believe a person's true thoughts slip out when they're angry and that's sometimes too much to bear.  Better we keep our mouths shut and let an issue come into perspective before we say something that will never be forgotten.

I love Faye dearly but I think it's normal to not like some parts of anyone's personality.  By taking a few days, it gave me time to realize that no deal in our friendship had been broken and I was so glad I hadn't let my temper push me to saying words I couldn't take back.  I can tell when Faye is angry with me because she gets a fire in her eyes.  I think I tend to let irritations wash over me unnoticed until they build up to a point where I explode.  As I've gotten older, I make more of an effort to not say words that can't be unspoken.

We all handle criticism differently and I can take it well as long as the person criticizing me is respectful.  I know I have some serious faults but none are vicious.  When someone criticizes you in a cruel way, it speaks volumes about what they really think of you and that's how the trust is broken.

I remember more cruel words spoken to me in my past than I do cruel actions.  I think the words hurt the most.  

Just a thought on one of the commonplace events in everyone's life and how it's everlasting.   

Nova Scotia Mass Murders

Whatever was in the mind of the businessman who dressed as an RCMP officer and drove a car that looked like a police car to step out of his lovely home and coldly murder 18+ people in a tiny community in Nova Scotia?

The press has made it a point to not focus on the killer but to focus on the innocent lives lost and I understand this but I still want to know what was in the killer's mind.  I'm assuming he has never killed before and people who knew him seemed to like him so he couldn't have been too overtly mentally ill or someone would have noticed.

I'd like to know what his family or close friends observed that could have been the warning that would save 18+ lives.  I say 18+ because the killer also set 3 houses on fire and there might be dead bodies in the ashes.  These are such horrible crimes and it's impossible for there not to have been something for people close to him to notice.  Those are the things I'd like to know because seemingly normal people do suddenly snap and commit outrageous crimes.

The police said some of his victims were planned but then some were random.  It's as though he had a hatred for certain people but once they were removed he just decided somehow that he may as well kill some more even if he didn't even know them.

This was the largest mass murder in Canada's history.  We're not like the States where mass murders have become almost common place.  Maybe one of the reasons is that fewer Canadians own guns.  This killer did and he used them to commit murder.  

He owned a business and some houses so he was a contributing member of society.  He was 51 or 52 years old so he had a history behind him.  I'm sure his business was closed because of the coronavirus epidemic and that would have been costly for him but it couldn't have caused a man to do what he did.  I have to assume he was mentally ill at the time of the massacre but I wonder how long he hid his mental condition.  No sane person walks out his door one day and decides to commit mass murder.  Something triggered that response in him and he lost control of himself.  I wonder how long he had been a ticking time bomb and if all those lives would have been saved if only someone had seen what was coming.

I believe we need to know the specifics of his mindset because it would help us recognize it in others.  I saw that someone posted on Facebook that he was a monster and maybe he was.  We need to know.

First Trip Out

I've been out just for a drive since I got home but yesterday was the first time I went into a building.  I've been carting around $410 U.S. since I got home and decided I wouldn't be able to go to the States next winter so I may as well cash it in.  I was kind of nervous about going to the bank but also kind of curious to see what our new world looked like.

I put on the face mask that Kim gave me and discovered it was a little harder to breathe with it on and it also caused my glasses to fog up.  Kim was right when she said we'd keep adjusting the mask and handling it wasn't safe.  I drove to the bank and walked through the front door...hardly anyone in the bank.  There was a guard sitting at the front door to make sure only a few people came in at once but there was a teller waiting for me so I didn't have to line up.

She was also wearing a mask and stood behind a glass shield..she stepped back as I approached her wicket as though I was dangerous.  Not a nice feeling.  She asked me to insert my card in the reader and then step back behind a line that had been taped on the floor.  I couldn't help but feel that this was all a bad dream and that it really couldn't be happening.  But it was.  I did my banking and left.

On the way home I decided to drive by the grocery store to see if there were lineups and there sure was a long one.  Kim and Cindy are still getting my groceries for me but I didn't realize what they had to go through to do it.  Now I know and it made me think of a third world country where groceries and supplies are limited.  Ours aren't at the moment but the lineups are a stark reminder that there is a present danger in the air around us.

As I drove home I saw so many businesses closed and wondered how we were ever going to survive this shutdown.  The shutdown is completely necessary but that doesn't take away from the fact that many of these businesses will have accumulated so much debt that they will be bankrupt.  It's easy to forget the logistics of the shutdown when you're comfortably tucked away in your little home and someone else is doing your shopping for you.  Not so easy to to live with when you step out into the world.

Faye phoned me and she has moved in with Valerie for good now.  She's hated living on her own since Gary passed away and she needs a bit more help now so she's quite happy to be with Val.  Val is also partly taking on her friend, Carol, so she's becoming the Mother Theresa of the family.  We've always known the horror stories of some of the nursing homes but we're now hearing of worse stories...most of the people dying from the virus are in nursing homes and many of the staff have either become sick themselves or abandoned their jobs out of fear of becoming sick.  Those of us who have children who will take care of us when we can't care for ourselves are so damned lucky.

My grandson, Tyson, referred to the essential workers still caring for people in one way or another as possibly sacrificial or expendables.  I see it so differently.  The true front line workers who are taking care of the sick are the angels on earth and deserve every honor we can give them.  The others, such as truckers, grocery clerks, etc.  are putting themselves in danger, too, and should be paid more than they're getting.  It's true they might prefer to stay home and stay safe but they keep on working for their own reasons and deserve their own honor.  We, the masses, couldn't survive without them.  Not one of these people are expendable.  All are living this nightmare the best way they can and they need to know how much they are needed and appreciated.

I read how an Indiana congressman said he was willing to accept more deaths from the virus if it meant opening the country up for business sooner.  I was horrified.  I wonder if he'd feel the same way if he knew he'd be one of those people who would die?  We honestly see very little callous thinking like that but, instead, see so much more of people going out of their way to help others.  Thank heavens.   

We're told it could take another 12-18 months before a vaccine is found that will be sufficient to kill the virus and be safe for most of us to use.  That means a long, cold winter ahead for us snowbirds.  But there are worse things, aren't there?  For one, there's that godawful congressman from Indiana that someone is married to or given birth to.   

Unbelievable

There are still so many new cases of the virus every day and more deaths.  I remember reading about the plague and seeing pictures of the streets lined with corpses and thinking how horrible it must have been in those days.  Now, here we are almost reliving that tragedy.

I like to be positive and hold on to the belief that all will go back to normal but I honestly have my doubts.  If this virus doesn't go away and continues to attack and kill the weak, it could go on for years.  We desperately need a vaccine but how soon can one be discovered?  

I think this virus was one that escaped from a laboratory over in China.  There are labs all over the world, including Canada, where experiments are going on and it just makes sense that this was one that got out of hand.  I don't believe it was intentional, just a touch of negligence that has caused havoc in our world.  It was bound to happen sometime.

I came home on March 19th, was self quarantined for 2 weeks, but still am unable to do my own shopping because of the danger to my elderly and compromised immune system.  Living like this for almost a month now with many months to go will certainly have a lasting effect on our society.  We weren't meant to live in isolation.  We weren't meant to have so many families unemployed with children at home because schools are closed.  We weren't meant to live in this kind of fear every single day.  

Maybe it's just gone on too long and depression is setting in.  That's what happens when you lose hope.

Beautiful Day

I don't know why but I've been getting the best night's sleep lately, maybe because I keep the bedroom window wide open and get cold, fresh air all night long.  It feels so good to start the day with a refreshed body.

I watched the sunrise this morning as I usually do and it's going to be a gloriously sunny day.  April can be an iffy month with snow one day and warm skies the next so the temperature isn't too important to me.  I just love the sunny skies.

There is lots of work I could do today but I have no motivation.  There's always tomorrow...or next week.  The apartment is neat and the fridge is full so I'm pretty comfortable.  I'm trying to make plans for the future but the future seems a little too far away yet.  I'm seriously thinking of renting again in my Florida park because I miss my friends and the activities there.  I just wish it wasn't so expensive and then there's the issue of driving down and back.  I need to have a car and renting a trailer plus renting a car would be way too expensive so I'd have to drive my own car down.  Lots to consider but there's lots of time to do that, too.

Right now I'm showered and dressed and playing on the computer.  I'm almost finished a Swedish weaving project with another one waiting in the wings.  Life isn't so bad!  

Don't Watch the News

I do my best to not watch the news more than once a day because I don't want to get depressed.  Almost all the news channels you can get report on the coronavirus for most of their air time.  I know they want to keep people informed and to not let up their guard but it's just too much for me.

Life is kind of boring but none of my family is sick so I'm going to concentrate on my good fortune instead of what lurks outside my doors.  A lot of people will have continuing mental problems long after the virus is gone because we've become a little paranoid about social interaction.  My reputation as a world class hugger is no longer an asset but I can still hug my family when the virus is over...I hope!

I have to give a lot of credit to my Canadian government and Prime Minister Trudeau for how they've taken the reins to protect us.  No-one could have seen this coming or prepared for it and I'm amazed each time I read the Canadian statistics of infection and death from the virus and then read the U.S. statistics.  We've dodged a major bullet by having a government that took control as early as they did.  Time was of the essence and not all leaders realized it.

If there is a positive side to this tragedy it's how so many people went above and beyond to aid in helping the sick and the needy.  Nurses have always had my heart but we see every day how both doctors and nurses (and so many others) have given of themselves until they collapsed.  This is the wonderful side of our humanity and one we'd better remember when the dust settles.

I haven't watched the news yet today but we did have some good news yesterday.  There's a good chance that we've reached the peak of infection but not the peak of related deaths.  The virus has been especially deadly for seniors so nursing homes became incubators and killed off many of the elderly all over the world.  We're finally becoming the treasures we always thought we were now that our numbers are falling.

Cindy braved the lineups at the grocery store this morning to pick up groceries for her and for me, too.  She said the lineups have gotten worse over the last week or so...plenty of food but only a certain number of shoppers are allowed inside the grocery stores at one time.  

 None of us will forget the year 2020 for a long time to come.

  

Matt To The Rescue

I have 8 grandchildren but it seems I always turn to Matt when I need help with something.  He makes it easy because he's so obliging.

When I got home early last month I had to call to have my cable service reinstated.  Everything came back on quickly but not the internet.  I knew it was useless to call to have the company send someone out because we're all in isolation right now so I just kept on using the personal hotspot on the cell phone which gives me actually free internet.

I sent Matt a message telling him my problem and asking him to check it out for me once it was safe to visit.  He called immediately and tried to walk me through all the damn wires and plugs attached from modem to laptop.  I really hate doing this because I'm afraid I'm going to do something disastrous but Matt is very patient.  We facetimed on the cell phone so he could see the wires and tell me which ones to pull.  One of the lights on the modem wasn't lit so Matt called the cable company and they told him to tell me which wire was loose.  I must have loosened it when I was cleaning the desk because everything worked once I pushed it in a bit.  Oh yes, I also had to change the internet setting on the computer by turning the WIFI off...it needed to be on when I was using the cell phone for the internet.

I knew it had to be something simple but I couldn't tell on my own.  Thank heavens for my sweet Matthew!

I have 8 grandchildren and none of the other 7 were as wild and woolly as Matt when he was a child.  He was the epitome of hell on wheels and I don't know how we survived his childhood.  It's kind of funny that he's the one I rely on so much now.  Maybe this is my reward for loving him all through those trying times.

Disappointment

I've been around a long time and had my share of people who disappoint me but sometimes the disappointment doesn't come as a total surprise.  Sometimes you've already recognized a rift between you and what you're seeing is the plain truth.   It doesn't make your disappointment any less painful but it helps you to prepare for the next one.

I hate being disappointed in people I care for so I tend to ignore the signs but, sooner or later, you're going to have to face that hard truth.  It's simply a fact of life.  It all depends on how much you care for the person who has disappointed you and whether you're willing to accept the status quo.

I have a friend who sees the world much differently than I do but who has a similar value system.  I don't fault a person for their beliefs because there is a lot of common ground between any 2 people but every once in a while that common ground is tested.  I maybe assume too much but I tend to think that decent religious people follow the teachings of their church.  I believe most religions stress that you should take care of your fellow man but I'm wondering if some religious souls don't consider people of other nationalities or cultures to be their fellow man.  That disappoints me.

Of course, I have been around a long time and nothing should really surprise me these days but it does.  I wish for more in people.  I wish for more in myself.  It makes me sad.  

Trump Is An Ass

Trump has ordered 3M to stop selling life saving medical masks to Canada.  What the stupid ass doesn't understand is that Canada is a major supplier of supplies to make the masks in the first place.  Yes, I'm often disgusted by Trump but this time I'm more disgusted by some of his followers who are angry with 3M for selling the masks to Canada and Mexico.  I'm learning quickly that some of these god fearing people interpret the teachings of Christ in their own way and that doesn't always make them decent human beings.

We are meant to take care of our fellow man/woman.  We are meant to share what we have when they are in need.  We are meant to even do without if it means we can save another life.  I'm not a Christian but even I know the rules of decency.

There are game changers in life and, sadly, I've come across one I can't ignore.  Could I ever again trust a "friend" who shamed 3M for refusing to abide by Trump's directive?  No, that ship has sailed.  Just to be clear, not all Americans agree with Trump, thank heavens.  Myself, I would even be upset with our Canadian Prime Minister if he decided to retaliate and stop shipping medical supplies to the States.  We are in a life and death situation right now and it would be wrong to deny sick people anywhere access to life saving apparatus just because their president is an ass!

I am upset by this turn of events but I know it isn't Trump I'm most upset with, it's the American "friend" who agrees with him.

Freedom??

Yesterday was the first chance I had to go out after the 14 day quarantine.  I analyze my feelings constantly so it rather surprised me how nervous I was about stepping out into a deadly virus infested world.  Thinking about that, maybe it made sense to be nervous.

I drove up to Cindy's and we chatted a while in her sunroom...6' apart and no kissing or hugging.  This is our world today but let's hope it isn't forever.  It was nice to see her puppies, too.  Toby is drop dead gorgeous!

Don had picked up some groceries for me so I took them home...Cindy had added in 2 containers of frozen beef stew so I'm all set for food for a while.  I think the only thing I'll be needing soon is milk because I drink my coffee with half of it being milk.  It's true that you don't need as much as you might think you do.  I normally go to the grocery store every few days but just for a few things like bananas and fresh veggies.  I've learned I can do without the bananas and I can use "skip the dishes" to bring me salads.  I could easily stay home 99% of the time but that's no life!

I carry a disinfectant wipe with me to press elevator buttons and open doors.  I have a container of disinfectant wipes in the car, too, but I never thought to use any when I was at Cindy's.  I can't get my head around the fact that the virus could be absolutely anywhere, even at my precious daughter's immaculate home. 

Logically, the virus should become a bad memory in time but I wonder how longlasting the fear will be.  Will it leave a permanent change in our correspondence with people once it's disappeared?  Or will we remain nervous about physical contact for a long time to come?  

Quarantine Day 14

It's brought home to me every single day how the things we in our pampered society have become so used to are no longer easily available to us.  Today I tried to make an appointment with a podiatrist right near me and found out the office is closed.  Only a few medical facilities are open for emergencies and I did find one not too far from me.  I'll see them on April 15th...they require patients who have been back in Canada for at least 21 days.

My problem is that I always have terrible callouses on my feet and that's why I rely on pedicures...I know, diabetics shouldn't get pedicures.  The last one I got was about 1 1/2 months ago in Florida and it was not a decent job so my feet are pretty bad.  A couple of days ago I was shocked to see part of the callous coming apart from my foot.  It wasn't bleeding but I'd never seen anything like that before.  I immediately put antibiotic on and bandaids.  I don't want to do anything that might open up a sore on my foot.  I learned that sad story when Donna (also diabetic) had a sore on her foot that just kept getting bigger until she had to have her foot and part of her leg amputated.  

The people I spoke to this morning...podiatrist, clerks, Ontario Society of Chiropodists...were amazing nice and very willing to help me find a clinic that was still open.  If this virus is instrumental in bringing more kindness and co-operation out in people, then maybe that's the good that will come from it.

I'm in my final day of self quarantine and it honestly hasn't been so bad.  I have a sweet little apartment, crafts to work on, and daughters who bring me groceries.  Let us all be thankful for the blessings in our lives.

Quarantine Day 13

Quarantine Day 12 was too boring to write about.

I've had the news on T.V. all morning and been half listening to it.  I'm beginning to think that the best and most up-to-date info is coming from New York's Governor Cuomo.  Trudeau is doing his best but he sounds like a stuffed shirt.  Cuomo sounds as though he's sitting on your sofa and giving you the straight, unvarnished goods.

It's gotten worse, everything is worse and getting more worse every day.  Slipping into the news is the possibility this will hang on into the summer and then return in the fall or winter.  We can just keep hoping that there will be a vaccine available soon.  

Cindy and Don are going for a drive today and bringing me some bananas.  Kim is at work but will do a larger grocery shopping for me when she finishes.  I hate the fact that my girls are going into stores and exposing themselves to the danger of the virus.  They might be ignoring the fact that they, aged 60 and almost 62, are also seniors who are the most vulnerable to this virus.

I have one more day of quarantine before it's supposedly safe for me to go out.  I'll only go for drives in the car but I know the deadly germs are out there waiting to be touched.  If I was a healthier senior I might take more chances but my immune system isn't normal and that's why I have to be as careful as possible.  

Cindy and I talked about the new norm for social greeting and I prefer the pressing of my hands together in front of my chin and slightly bowing.  I'm sure there's a name for that because it's a common greeting in India and probably other countries...it's polite without contact.  I'll have to do some research to find out the significance of the gesture. 

I slept well last night because I took Melatonin.  I don't like to take it often but the night before I was awake at 2 A.M. and up for the day at 3A.M. but with a couple of naps throughout the day to make up for my loss of sleep.  

I did laundry this morning and made my bed.  I just might do some Swedish weaving this afternoon.  I'm bored.

I checked on the internet and found the name of the greeting gesture.  Of course it's called Namaste and I should have known that.  It's a Hindu geeting and it means "I bow to the divine in you".  What a lovely greeting, especially in these times of limiting physical contact.