Weighted Down

I'd already decided that I had to start being more careful about what I'm eating but last evening made me really take notice. I wore a pair of pants that were tight on me when I got here but last night they actually hurt. I was playing Bingo and very uncomfortable but when I tried to put my finger inside the waistband to move it a bit my finger wouldn't even fit in. In the realm of bad signs this was super neon. I really have to lose some weight.

This morning was the one I set aside to do Swedish weaving and my first guest was a new lady, Toni, who wants to learn...very nice. My next guest was one who showed up 40+ lbs. slimmer this year and looks terrific. My third guest was the other lady who dropped a similar amount and looks terrific.

We talked about everything under the sun and it got around to weight loss. The 2 slimmies decided to hold a class every week here in the clubhouse where we'll weigh in and support each other. Chris will also teach us how to meditate. I am thrilled to death with this new development.

We had a group here like this once before but some disgruntled idiot threatened to report our leader to Weight Watchers and she disbanded the group. I'm hoping Candy and Chris are tougher people who won't back down to idiots like that. Both of them have a goal to lose another 20 lbs. this winter so they'll be an inspiration to the rest of us. I'm not going to count pounds, just degree of comfort in my clothes.

Tonight I'm going out for a steak dinner...I'll have a baked potato and no dessert. Then it's on to our New Year's eve party where I'll drink Diet Coke and not munch. Every little bit helps.

Some Things Happen For a Reason

It's true. Some, if not all, things happen for a reason and we might not ever know the reason but sometimes we do.

Just this week Faye and Gary were supposed to leave for Florida on Monday morning but Gary got the flu on Sunday night so they had to postpone their trip until Wednesday morning. I think Faye rushed him better! Anyway, on Tuesday, their furnace stopped working but they were able to get a repairman in that evening to fix it. Now just think, if Gary hadn't gotten the flu, they would have been down here in Florida while their pipes back home froze up and burst.

Don't ever get upset over delays. You might be being delayed for a reason.

Losing Weight...Or Hoping To

Chris and Candy showed up at the park this week each weighing much less than last year. Chris is on the Atkins diet and Candy is following the Weight Watchers regime. They look fabulous!

Today I put on a pair of pants that fit me when I got here but now they're way too tight and it was the discomfort that made me decide to again try to lose some weight. I don't want to be skinny, just able to put my socks on without struggling.

I don't think I have the discipline to follow a strict diet so I'm just going to cut out a lot of the bad stuff I eat. After all these years of diets, I know what I should and shouldn't eat. My first success today was taking a bag of unopened potato chips and throwing them in the garbage. They are one of my biggest vices, almost a drug. It's the salt I'm addicted to.

My plan is to do the best I can and maybe even put myself into shock by getting on the scales occasionally. That really isn't necessary because I'll be able to tell by the way my clothes fit if I'm on the right track. I hate the blinding reality of a weigh scale.

Wish me well and let's see if my millionth attempt will work.

Christmas Past

Christmas shopping has changed drastically since I was a child. I've noticed that the stores just aren't as crowded as they used to be in December, even the last shopping day before Christmas and the day after. In my youth, the stores were crammed with people doing last minute shopping or buying up bargains.

I've thought the shortage of customers was mainly because the economy isn't doing well and many people are out of work but I'm starting to change my opinion.

When I was a little girl we got fruit and nuts in our stockings and were very lucky to receive one present under the tree. For girls it was usually a doll and for boys a truck or sled. Sexist, yes, but also frugal.

When my own children were growing up we bought them each a few presents (that we couldn't afford) but never anything extravagant. Today I see parents buying their little treasures things like computers and their own T.V.

Somehow the idea of a token gift under the tree has become a demand for extravagance which has more than emptied the parents' pockets. Too many children would be terribly disappointed without a ton of presents or at least one magnificent one. Thus, the empty stores in December. I think many parents opted for the one fantastic (and expensive) gift to satisfy their child's expectations.

It's not the child's fault that they've come to expect the world under their Christmas tree, it's the flaw in our psyche that allows us to be swayed by psychologically strategic ads on T.V. The child assumes he/she deserves everything they see and the parents think they'd be bad parents if they didn't provide it.

It's possible that the families who have lost jobs and homes have finally come to their senses and accepted that family love and the spirit of Christmas is not represented by the number and cost of presents they buy. I hope so.

Merry Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to my many, many readers (all 9 or 10 of you!).

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain pitter pattering on my roof but this didn't discourage me at all. Today is Christmas and I am blessed.

It's usually on Christmas day that I reflect on where my life path has directed me and I know I'm exactly where I was meant to be and I also know how much I've learned over my years on earth.

This past year brought a new and most treasured member to our family, little Nolan. I don't think I ever thought ahead to the day when I'd be a Greatgramma but I'm revelling in my good fortune. How lucky I am to have seen this day.

I spent last evening in the company of people I care for deeply even though they aren't relatives. Today will be spent the same way and I consider myself so very fortunate to be among these good people. The only thing that would increase my happiness is if my family was here.

Christmas is a good time to look back on all you've survived but it's also a good time to prepare to make yourself a better person. I hope by Christmas 2010 that I've made some headway in that department.

My wish for everyone is that they spend this great day with people they love and that there be peace on their little patch of earth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas at my Trailer

This is what Christmas looks like at my trailer. Granted, it's kind of sparse as far as decorations go, but the spirit is still there and it suits me just fine.

I absolutely love the spirit of people who go all out and decorate their homes to the fullest but those are places I like to visit, not do myself.

Picture #1 is my tiny little table at the front window of the trailer. It holds a few Christmasy ornaments I like, Christmas cards (I don't send them but it's nice to receive them), and 3 Christmas doilies crocheted by a friend.

Picture #2 is the wreath on my front door.

Picture #3 is a sleigh filled with pretend gifts.

Picture #4 is the one I really like the best. It's a variegated impatiens in full bloom on my patio table on December 24th.

Snow and cold...who needs it?

Critique on "Old Dogs"

"Old Dogs" is a movie starring John Travolta and Robin Williams so how could it be bad? Well, it was baaaad! The storyline was stupid and unbelievable. The comedic moments were stupid and not really funny. Events were not resolved or explained. The supposed 7 year old kids in the movie looked at least 10 years old and had almost no talent. I'm thinking this was a movie meant to be slightly entertaining to 5 year olds but they would never have understood the business scenes. I really didn't either. How disappointing.

I see about 2 movies a year and I'm really sorry I wasted one of my movie watching days. It would be interesting to know who the director of this movie was because they're the ones who wasted the talents of Travolta and Williams.

I gave it a 2 out of 10 and that's only because the sight of penguins attacking Travolta was funny.

Retreating

I don't know if it's advancing age but I've made the decision to stay home 2 nights a week instead of only 1. When I'm back home in Canada, I'm usually home every single evening and it doesn't bother me because I have so many interests and projects on the go. It's only when I'm in Florida for the winter that I venture out to the clubhouse every evening.

First I stopped going to Pokeno on Monday nights because it's a little too boring for me and it was nice to have a quiet evening to myself. A couple of weeks ago I decided to cut out the Sunday night ice cream social with games afterward. I seem to be enjoying my solitude a little more this year and I'm not sure why.

For whatever reason, the quiet evenings have come to an end until next Sunday. Today is movie afternoon followed by card games in the evening. Tomorrow is Bingo in the evening. Thursday is Christmas Eve festivities in the evening at the clubhouse . Friday is a huge and wonderful Christmas dinner at 1 P.M. in the clubhouse. Heaven only knows if any of us will be ready for games in the evening but games will again be on for Saturday evening. No wonder I need a break from humanity on Sunday and Monday evenings.

We have a large group of great friends that are interesting and fun to hang out with so each busy evening is a welcome one but sometimes I just have a need to retreat into my little trailer and vegetate. But in the back of my mind is the thought that there will one day come a time when every single one of my evenings will be quiet and spent alone. I'm not near ready for that yet and I do wonder if I'm beginning my retreat too soon.

I figure I'll live until I'm 90 (wishful thinking?) so I have 21 years to gradually step back into solitude. In that case, I'd better not cancel any more busy evenings for the next few years.

Just a note: I have a habit of putting on my porch light and the Florida room light when I'm out in the evening so my good neighbor was concerned about a darkened trailer 2 nights in a row. He phoned last night to see if I was all right. Another indication of the caring people in this park.

Cool in Florida

Today it's one of our cool Florida days and, just like back home, a perfect day to cook up a big pot of soup so that's what I did. It's cool out but the sun is shining brightly and that always makes me want to do something productive.

Making home-made soup is about all I do in the kitchen anymore. I've never liked to cook and only did it in my earlier years because I had to. Maybe that's why my cooking skills aren't up to par, but I do make a nice soup. You usually excel at what you enjoy.

The Furby is a gift from my friend, Joann. She knows I love them and has given me a total of 5 so far. I love them all and they'll be the last possession on this earth that I part with. They make me giggle. It's a good thing to collect something that gives you such simple pleasure. I love my carnival glass, too, but it doesn't affect me the same way.

For the rest of the day I'll work on my Swedish weaving afghan, then have a healthy supper of my home-made soup. I'm a happy camper!

Yard Sale Experience

I went shopping today but, being the junkie I am, I followed a few yard sale signs along the way. I bought a trailing vine in a watering can clay pot for $1.00, a "welcome" sign for 25 cents, a child's book teaching hand signs for 25 cents (for Nolan), a Beanie snake for 25 cents (for Joann), and a package of needlepoint booklets for 50 cents. I had a unique experience at the yard sale where I bought the needlepoint booklets...the seller was drunk.

It was sad, really, because she kept telling me to make her an offer she couldn't refuse but she was so drunk she ran out of breath before she could finish the sentence. So she'd start again, tripping over her own feet and trying to convince me to buy everything she had. This was a lovely looking woman in her early 30's and I wondered what in her life resulted in the drunken character before me.

Every once in a while she'd call out questions to a man lurking inside the garage and I wondered why he didn't put a stop to the yard sale and take this lady into the house.

No-one really knows the drama and disappointments that live behind closed doors, do we?

James Bain...The Lost 35 Years

James Bain spent 35 years in prison for a crime he never committed. DNA evidence has proven his innocence and jailers reluctantly released him, at age 54, to go on with the rest of his life.

He was only 19 when a young, traumatized rape victim picked out his picture from a group of 5 shown to him. That was the evidence that stole 35 years out of an innocent man's life.

DNA science has been available for at least 20 years of those 35 and James Bain has been requesting it in order to reopen his case but he was refused until just lately. Why wouldn't the use of DNA be automatically used in a case like this?

Lawmakers don't like to be proven wrong. It's as simple as that.

Thirty five years lost. It's difficult to even imagine how that 19 year old boy felt as he spent his youth and then middle age in a prison. Prison inmates have a special hatred for child molesters so his prison time must have been misery. James looks much older than his 54 years, a testament to the hard years.

There's no way he can ever be compensated for what he lost but, by keeping his story alive, it can maybe help prevent the same tragedy from happening to another person.

Losing a Pet

My daughter adopted Sadie not long after she and her husband separated. Sadie filled a void in Cindy's life and became almost like her own child. That's how many, if not most, people feel about their pets.

Sadie had to be put down yesterday after being hit by a car. Her injuries were just too severe even though Cindy was ready to pay any amount of money to save her. Foolish, but again, often our pets are so loved that we'd never count the dollars it might cost to keep them with us.

My heart is aching for Cindy's loss because I know how great it is. Sadie was her constant companion, even sleeping in her bed. Cooler heads might think that a dog is just a dog but for some of us our pet is much more important in our lives than that. Some of us will grieve in the same way we would if we lost a family member and there's nothing abnormal about that.

My dog, Corky, was a member of my family for 15 years and I still wish I could turn a corner and find him there, tail wagging in his happiness to see me. We loved them and we won't forget them.

The Beast Within

Another wife missing, another family devastated, another husband claiming innocence. I ask myself how a person can murder the one he or she was once so in love with.

There are many times in a marriage when you are so enraged you want to smack your husband or wife but you don't. Because your self control won't allow it. How angry and out of control must a person become to actually take a life? If you are enraged because your spouse is leaving you then, by murdering them, you really are losing them forever.

From what I discern from news reports, most men kill their wives to exert control but most women seem to kill their husbands for financial gain. This is the beast within us that we either hold in check or allow free rein.

It's frightening to think that the beast lies within us all and is just waiting for the opportune moment to show it's face. My own beast surfaced only once in my life and that was when a woman made a threatening move towards my young daughter. The beast rose full force out of me and that woman is very lucky she wasn't within reaching distance.

We all possess the capacity for violence to appear and take control of our actions. It is just buried deeper in some of us but there all the same. It's much the same as attempting to domesticate a wild animal. You can get to the point where you are able to cuddle and pet it but just throw it a chunk of meat and see how the wildness emerges. Deep inside we are as feral as that wild animal.

In the case of the missing wife, it appears that her husband lost control and we socialized human beings can't allow that to go unpunished. We all need to be reminded to keep our beasts in check, don't we?

Taking Stock

Every once in a while we need to take stock of the direction our lives are going and make an unbiased decision about whether we wish to continue in this vein or to try another path. I'm at that point now. Don't get me wrong, life is good but changes need to be made and attitudes need to be adjusted.

Within the next few years I'll be selling my house and I'd really like to spend more time living somewhere other than my home town. I've always wanted to live in a small community so that's one option but there are others. It would be fun to just hop in the car and drive, staying where it looked nice and moving on when I felt like it. That thought lingers with me more and more.

It might seem strange that a senior lady wants to be footloose like this but I've been constrained most of my life. Maybe packing a suitcase and taking off for parts unknown for a while would be like a breath of fresh air. I just might do it.

Van in the Car Wash

It's a good thing we seniors don't mind laughing at ourselves because today we got another chance. Agnes took her van to our Red Hat lunch at the Olive Garden and 4 of us rode with her.

After a terrific lunch we piled back into the van and drove to a nearby Walmart. We tend to forget how silly our purple and red clothes look to anyone not Red Hatters but we don't really care. I mentioned to Agnes that there was a good car wash nearby and she asked me if I'd drive her van through it. I'm not too familiar with driving vans but I agreed to do it. Agnes is fairly recently widowed and has never driven through a car wash so that's why she asked me.

Agnes is very tiny and I'm not so we had to fiddle around with the seat and steering wheel settings before we could even start. It took 3 of us to do that. I got into the driver's seat and was a little horrified to see that the gear shift was on the steering column and I'm not used to that. I managed, with Agnes' directions, to get it into "reverse" and then "drive" and we were on our way.

Agnes went in (snazzily dressed in red and purple and a feather in her hat) to pay for the car wash and a man followed her out to guide us through. Wise man. Still being a little jerky with the gear shift, I got us around to the entrance to the car wash where we waited our turn. Soon our guide motioned me forward and a shot of water hit the windshield, obscuring my vision for a moment. Agnes told me to turn on the windshield wipers so I did...I know you shouldn't do this but I was nervous driving the unfamiliar van and automatically followed orders. All of a sudden everyone was telling me to turn them off, of course.

In this car wash, the car remains stationary while the washing apparatus moves. This made Agnes very nervous because she kept thinking the car was moving. Our guide must have thought all 5 of us little old ladies were crazy, what with windshield wipers going on and off and my jerky driving, not to mention the way we were dressed.

We drove out when the wash was done and I switched seats with Agnes but first she had to readjust everything. She drove around the gas pumps to exit the lot but then Sheila advised her that she should go out the other exit so we made another circle around the gas pumps. Our guide disappeared inside the building and I'm sure he was telling everyone about these crazy old ladies who shouldn't be allowed out on the road.

We all laughed. We don't care!

December Gardening in Florida

This is my little Florida home away from home. The garden is really a lot more colorful than my pictures show but you get the idea.

I stick mainly with geraniums and impatiens because they don't require much care. Most of the impatiens survived the Florida summer and just needed to be pruned but most of the geraniums were brought from home. I do have geraniums here that have survived a few Florida summers, though.

The soil is mainly sand so I buy bags of topsoil and replenish the pots regularly. The plants in the ground need to be hardy enough to survive despite no care on my part.

I love lots of color in my garden and it's so pleasurable to be able to do it all year round.

Cell Phones...Not Just Dangerous

I'm not a cell phone user so it's easy for me to find fault with them..or their users. It's hard for me to understand the need for people to talk on the phone as they shop, dine, walk, or socialize. I can't for the life of me understand why someone would have their cell phone operational while they are in a theatre!

Today I had lunch in Ruby Tuesday's (love the mini burgers!) and watched in dismay as an elderly couple ate their dinner without speaking once to each other. But the lady spent a good 15 minutes talking on her cell phone. The man took the phone when she was finished and spent another 10 minutes with his own call. Both people spoke with animation to whoever was on the other end of the line but had no words for the person they were dining with. How sad.

I've been in theatres where someone's silly cell phone theme music played loudly, disturbing the other patrons in the theatre. At times, the cell phone owner answers the call, speaking and giggling "quietly", not caring that their voices are still disturbing the people around them. Rude? You bet.

Most often we see a person sitting with friends, possibly in a restaurant, and happily ignoring them and gabbing on their cell phone to someone else. Then there are the people who shop alone while carrying on loud and personal conversations on their phones. How did they live without them before the technology was there?

Years ago, wondering how my own teenage daughters could spend so much time on house phones, I predicted that there would come a day when newborns would receive telephone implants at birth. I laughed when I said this but I'm not laughing anymore. It's coming.

Happy as a Clam

Sitting in my little Florida trailer this morning, I smiled as I realized just how happy and content I am at this stage of my life. In any person's book, that is a goal worth reaching, especially when most of my adult life was spent battling depression.

There aren't many hard demands on my time or pressures to succeed so that is a huge reason for my serenity. Retirement can often be just what we choose to make of it, either being busy or just taking it easy. We usually don't have those options when we're in the work world and raising a family.

I thought how little we actually need in order to be happy. We certainly don't need extravagant trappings such as monster homes or expensive cars. We don't need fame or fortune to feel content with our lot in life.

There are only two of my possessions that I overly treasure...my computer and my car. They could be considered extravagances but I'd be truly lost without them. They both give me access to the world at large and my own world would shrink disastrously without them.

I guess the secret of being happy is to know that you have all that is necessary and anything extra is nice but you could do without it. I have a loving family and friends, a roof over my head, and frozen soup in the fridge. Life is good.

I Had a Nightmare

The other night I had a nightmare about my #1 grandson. Now, I rarely have nightmares but mainly have pleasant dreams each night about everyday life with people I love. This nightmare woke me up crying.

I've said before that, although I can't direct my ESP, I do trust my instincts and this dream seemed like a call for help. So I e-mailed my grandson and my daughter to find out if anything was wrong at home. Apparently there wasn't but, by reading between the lines, I determined that the possibility had existed.

My grandson lost his coveted job last year and has since gained employment in a different field. I worried that he wasn't completely happy with his new job but it seems I was wrong. He's received a nice promotion recently so maybe there's a good future for him there. My belief is that he wasn't secure enough in his own mind until he received his promotion. Losing a job can also result in losing your self confidence and that's what happened to my boy.

I adore this boy. There's no other word for it. He's just too wonderful for words and I swear I'm not prejudiced. I want his world to be perfect...now maybe I'm being unrealistic but that's how I feel. Anyway, I now feel reassured that all is well back home and I can continue having my pleasant dreams.

Taking Charge

My daughter, Shelley, is having a series of cortizone shots to her back and she is receiving a sedative each time to help with the discomfort. After her first shot, she said they'd sedated her very well and she'd sailed through the experience with no problems.

A friend here in the park has the identical problem with her back that Shelley has and she told me last week that she'd be receiving the cortizone shots as well. I told her about Shelley's pleasant experience in order to calm her fears. Well, her experience a couple of days ago didn't go as well as my daughter's did.

Carole was not given a sedative and she was too compliant to demand one. She said the pain was inhuman and she wasn't even allowed a moment to recover her senses before being urged off the table and sent into the change room. The nurse was abrupt and unsympathetic to a patient who was in severe pain.

When she came to tell me about this yesterday, I told her to call the clinic and tell them exactly what her experience had been and to say that she wouldn't accept the second shot (due next week) if she wasn't sedated.

I'm so disgusted that this lady was put in a position of pain by medical personnel when it could so easily have been avoided. So many times we don't know what to expect with any medical procedure but we always believe that all efforts to eliminate pain will be used. Well, apparently not so!

It is so important to take charge of your own body and ask questions. It is equally important to make reasonable demands of our doctors and nurses. Not all of them should be in the medical field and not all of them give a hoot about us.

My friend was forced to undergo a horrifically painful procedure by someone who should lose their licence. Carole won't make the same mistake again.

The big lesson here is to *take charge* because your priorities might not be their's.

Need to Beg

I've never seen more beggars on the streets than I do in Florida and it always leaves me wondering if there is ever any true need to resort to begging. Most beggars look like drunks inbetween binges and that explains their need but what about the neater beggars?

There is welfare, food banks, and shelters provided by every municipality but is it enough? We hear stories about beggars who make more money in a day than the average working person makes. We hear stories about beggars living in houses most of us can't afford to live in. Some of these stories are no doubt true but still, is it ever really a necessity of life to need to beg for food?

I never give money to beggars but feel a sense of guilt as I pass them by, wondering if they will go hungry because of my cold heart. There's no way I'd hand over hard earned money to pay for a beggar's next beer and that's the thought I console myself with.

I wish a government funded researcher would find out just how many of these beggars are in true need and how many are bogus. I also wonder why beggars are always asking for money and not jobs...especially the neat ones.

There probably never will be a time when I hand cash to a beggar but I'm leaning toward buying them a meal. My heart is softening.