Faye Arrived

My sister-in-law, Faye, is a treasure.  She arrived on the 25th and we've been running the roads ever since.  She's an excellent house guest, too, but I do think she wishes I had my stove hooked up so she could cook.  I disconnected it ages ago because it would seldom get used by me and, being a propane stove, it needed to have the pilot lights lit all the time and that heated up the trailer.

Today we're going to the "Fat Cat". a wonderful homey bar in St. Petersburg where we can hear Newfoundland music from noon until 5 P.M.  Eddie Coffey is the star of that show and the music is a treat to hear.  Dee is going with us, too.

Time here is running out fast and I'm very anxious to get back home but Shelley's birthday is next Tuesday and we're going over to Tampa for a dinner cruise and an overnight at Shelley's house.  Cindy and Kyle will be there, too!!!  I think Nicole, Sam, and Lisette will also be there and maybe Jake.  It's difficult to get everyone together for special days because everyone has spread out but it's so nice when it works out.

I have a list of what needs to be done to the trailer before we leave and it's a little daunting but thank heavens for the list.  I'm also really happy that I've pre-arranged to have the inside of the trailer cleaned and the outside powerwashed next December before I return.  That's always a concern, wondering who I can get to do the job.  Just when I find someone good, they move away.  But this year I'm all set!!!

It's lovely to have Faye here.  I haven't been entirely comfortable this year being away from home and it's fun to have such a good friend right here with me.  I have lots of friends in the park but I really feel a strong need to be home and that can't come soon enough for me.

Well, enough whining...I get to enjoy one more week in the warm sunshine before we leave for home and that makes me a very lucky lady.

Mysterious Bladder

There was a time in my youth when I didn't have to get up once during the night to pee but, as I grew older, it changed from once a night to 4-5 times a night.  That is very hard on a person because your sleep is interrupted so often.

Occasionally, after an alcoholic drink or two, I'd sleep right through the night and not have to get up at all.  It was a strange experience because I wondered why I could do that the one night and then not again for ages.

Your bladder does not improve with age...nothing much about your body does.  And yet, lately I've been getting up only once in the night to pee and just last night not at all.  No booze, either.  It's got me wondering if my bladder has changed position maybe back to what it should have stayed in.  It's a mystery.

3W

No, we're not called 3W any more and it's beginning to dawn on me that the new name also represents the new residents.  I've always said that the people here are some of the best people on earth, so kind and caring, that anyone who lands here is one lucky SOB.

We had a memorial service for Rob today and there was a fair turnout of residents, people who knew him well and people who knew him only in passing.  I noted that some of the new residents were quick to take part in arranging and participating in the memorial and it made my heart feel good.  I could see so plainly that the new residents, the ones I felt a little apart from because they are new, have settled in and are just as good and kind as the older folk.  Our park continues to attract the salt of the earth.

Monica was very moved by the show of love and support she received today.  It meant a lot to her to see loving evidence that she and Rob were part of our park family.  

I have to mention the role Dee M. has played throughout all of the sadness of Rob's death and up to today.  She has been a rock of support for Monica and proves over and over that she is an angel among us.  Remember Jack Nicholson saying in the movie "As Good As It Gets" that his co-star made him want to be a better man?  Well, watching my dear friend, Dee, makes me want to be a better woman.  She's a treasure and too humble to know it.

Below is what was written for the memorial:

"I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one,
I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun.
Of happy memories that I leave when life is done."


Oh, how very much we all hope our transgressions will be forgiven and only the good times remembered when we pass on.  Maybe that's wishful thinking on my part but I hope it happens for me with my loved ones.   

So Happy

Years ago, when Lisette was just a little girl, she said she'd love to see all of her relatives lined up outside her house.  I guess she was saying that she didn't see enough of them and then only a few now and again.  I get a similar feeling about the friends I've made here in the park...I love them to death but, at the end of the season, I know they're all heading off in different directions to their homes and none of those destinations are close enough to me.

Last night I talked to my friend, Mary, who lives 2 1/2 hours drive from my apartment at home and she's planning to move closer in the near future.  I am thrilled!  The 2 1/2 hour drive meant we only saw each other maybe every couple of months so, if she's only an hour's drive away, we will definitely see each other more often.  Happy days!

I love to drive and so does Mary but we're both getting older and driving might become out of the question for either of us sooner than we'd like.  But right now I'm 77, almost 78, and Mary is 75 so we can count on a few years yet before I'll be nagging her to move right into my town.  But, for now, I'm one happy lady!

Just Thinking

I got to thinking about what it means to criticize someone.  None of us are perfect in the eyes of another so it would be very easy to greet everyone by telling them their faults...in our eyes, of course.  Can you even imagine being able to keep even one friend or acquaintance if you chose to tell them their faults instead of what is good about them?  People would run from you in droves.

I began openly praising people a few years ago.  It sort of came up accidentally when I would see even a stranger in a pretty top or doing a kindness.  I swear it made my life nicer because the moment made both of us happier.  This is often the kind of world where we go about our business anonymously, no-one speaking or even acknowledging you as you pass by.  I sort of made it my business, right or wrong, to change that a bit and just began talking to strangers.  I don't take their time, just make a comment or two, and it's amazing the feedback you get from that.

It's easy to praise our loved ones but it used to be harder for me to speak out to strangers in case I was rebuffed.  Once I stopped caring about that, it got easier and almost always was followed by pleasant results.  I read somewhere that there are many people who go through their day without ever having another human being speak to them.  Well, they need to find me.

It's nice to be nice and the world will always be a better place when we are.

Buffalo's Pedophile Priests

The Buffalo Catholic church is publishing the names of pedophile priests.  Wouldn't it have saved a lot of misery if the church had always exposed abuse instead of just sending their pedophile priests away to a different town?  The number of adults now suing the church for knowingly allowing those sick priests to carry on without warning the parishioners is what is behind their willingness to now expose them.

Thank heavens.  It will save countless numbers of children from being abused.

Now for the rest of the world to catch up and there be nowhere these perverts can practice in secret.  The Catholic church is not the only place pedophiles have flourished with the knowledge of people who could have stopped them.

Conflict

Some of the programs I watch on T.V. have a lot of people yelling at each other and I always wonder how they can live like that.  They must be stressed out all of the time.  I can't stand conflict and, when faced with a fight or flight, I am a world class runner in the opposite direction.  I have to do that mentally but, if at all possible, I get my physical self far away, too.

It's always been that way for me.  Before I had a car I'd walk for hours.  Once I got my car I'd drive for hours and it always, always helped ground me again.  I really can't bear conflict and that's that.

I was feeling pretty low yesterday and had to force myself to go over to the clubhouse to play cards.  How comforting it was to be greeted warmly and to spend almost 3 hours (we all talk a lot) with ladies who never fail to make me laugh.  We don't just have frivolous conversation, either.  We covered assisted dying, marijuana legalization, park entertainment, a few health issues, and Rob's death.  But, most of all were the good vibes between good people and that sure helped me more than laying around the trailer feeling sorry for myself.

We had 8 playing last night and I just realized that half were Canadians.  The Canadian ratio to American in the park hasn't been very high since our dollar hit the skids so that came as a surprise.  These are all such good people and I always wonder how I got so lucky to find them.  Our politics or religion may not coincide but we build our friendship on other things that matter.  Come to think of it, we seldom mention politics or religion so maybe we're wise to do that.

There's a lot going on in the park today but I just finished a huge washing and it wore me out.  My stamina is very low, especially since I was sick so I think I'll just stay home today.  Faye gets here on Sunday and it will be wonderful having her here.  She's more of a sister/friend than just a sister-in-law and we never run out of things to talk and laugh about.

Life goes on.  

I'm Hurt

One of my daughters takes great exception to statements I make in these blogs and I have to admit it hurts terribly.  Not that she doesn't agree with me but that my opinions make her so angry with me.  I certainly don't agree with all of her opinions but I'd never bring that up.  She has a right and so do I.

I'm a Facebook reader and every morning I read posts entered by people I care about.  I very often don't agree with what they're saying but I just let it be.  That's their opinion, period.  

I spent yesterday feeling kind of special because someone in need needed me.  Today I feel unloved.  And I don't understand what happened. 

To Clarify

No-one but an idiot would imply that all American teenagers looted and destroyed their flag during the walkout.  Of course the perpetrators were a minority of teens and do I have to qualify every statement to make this clear when it's an obvious fact??  

No-one but an idiot would imply that illegals receive legal welfare from the American government.  Of course there are abuses of the welfare system in many ways and there have been cases of illegals "circumventing the system".  Don't close your eyes and pretend this doesn't happen.  

I happen to have a soft heart when it comes to illegals because I understand they are just trying to improve their lives and the lives of their children but I'm not blind to the fact they cause a hardship for legal citizens.  

Nope, I'm not an idiot and I hope this blog explains a few things.

Feeling Weary

It's such a helpless feeling when you find out one of your friends, who you thought was doing well, passed away.  Rob's wife, Monica, is more my friend but Rob was also.  He'd recently had surgery to repair nerve damage that was worsening and, although having a heart attack soon after, seemed to be recovering well.  Rob passed away yesterday and it worries me very much how Monica will handle his loss.  They were probably one of the closest couples I know of.

Right on the heels of that bad news came the notice that Agnes, one of my oldest and dearest friends from the park, is now having hospice care.  This isn't so much of a shock because dear Agnes is in her late 80's now and hasn't been too well for a while.  She's been blessed with having her daughter, Amy, care for her at home for the last couple of years.

I have such wonderful memories of great times with Agnes, always thought of her as an older version of Faye.  She is so much fun and so down to earth.  My memories see her as a vibrant senior lady who gave a lot of herself.  Wherever she goes, it will be a happy place.

I wrote a while ago about the ghosts that surround me in this park.  It's getting awfully crowded. 

Walkout

High School students in the U.S. held a walkout with 17 minutes of silence to commemorate the last school shooting which took 17 lives.  They were protesting the lack of gun control in the U.S.  Sounds altruistic, right?  But then some proceeded to tear down the American flag!

This generation of Americans will be in charge of the country in a few years and, if they already have no respect for it, how will they govern it?  How will they participate in building up the country they live in if they don't respect it?

There were numerous videos on Facebook showing the teens disgracing their own flag and the sight was terribly disturbing.  Their flag represents all that is good in their country.  It represents the men and women who have gone before them and sacrificed their lives to give them a free country to live in.  It represents a country that immigrants crave to call home.  

If a citizen has no respect for their country, how can they continue to take the benefits offered by that country?  Their schooling is provided by American taxpayers.  You can bet many of those students come from welfare families who live off the backs of working citizens.  It makes no sense to bite the hand that feeds you.

This country is in deep trouble and it seems to get worse every day.  When I read that illegals are sheltered and using the school and health systems and some even receiving welfare payments, it proves that even the politicians are not following the laws of their own country.  When I watch the political battlefield where there is nothing but infighting and bickering instead of these well paid hacks doing what is best for their country, I see a country that is deteriorating before our eyes.

Some would love to blame all of this on Trump and the proliferation of guns but these problems have been building for many years.  People are elected or hired because of their skin color instead of for their ability.  And that goes both ways!  Politicians have access to billions of dollars and have very little accountability in where it goes.  Scandals are rampant...there seems to be a lot of perverts being elected.  

Respect for anything has become a lost value.  And, if that is the belief of enough citizens, then anarchy is not too far away.  

  

The Bug Man

I haven't let anyone come into the trailer since I got this cold but it never occurred to me that the bug man, who breathes in chemicals all day, would react like he did yesterday.

He always sprays around the outside of the trailer first before coming inside so I waited until he opened the Florida room door so I could warn him about my germs.  He backed off so quickly that it startled me.  I can't be that dangerous, can I??  He then proceeded to tell me how dangerous this cold really was and how one of his family members had died from it.  He also refused payment for what he'd already done...he is a very honest and reliable man.

I'm being extra cautious and staying away from people because I know this is a particularly dangerous illness but I do feel quite good today.  I'm still coughing a bit but my sinuses have almost cleared up.  Shelley said the coughing could go on for weeks but was nothing to worry about but, just for safety, I'm staying home at least over the weekend.  

Just a note:  The 2 drugs Dee picked up for me and which the pharmacist said could be taken together was wrong.  I've always trusted the pharmacist to know which drugs can't be taken together but not all pharmacists are good at their jobs.  Shelley told me to keep taking the Mucinex DM for the chest congestion but not the drug for my sinuses.  She said to take the antihistamine instead.  It's nice having a nurse practitioner in the family!

In any case, I am improving day by day and I'm very thankful to have the Swedish weaving to keep me from being bored out of my mind. 

Slow Recovery

I wonder if anyone has ever been far away from home and sick and not ached to be back home.  This is day 6 for me with this cold and not one day has gone by that I didn't fervently wish I was home.  Maybe it's that desire to die at home instead of anywhere else.

No, I don't feel like I'm dying but I don't feel good, either.  My chest congestion has vastly improved but the nasal congestion is still pretty bad and that fogs up the brain.  I'm not a good patient and I have no-one to complain to except here on the blog.

I'm a considerate person who will stay away from others so as not to infect them and I don't mind being alone but my patience is wearing thin with being so secluded.  I'm a social person and I'm missing out on a lot of fun!  I also owe money to Carol and Dee for what they've bought for me and I'm anxious to get them paid.  My body is getting pretty achy, too, from all this darned inactivity of sitting or lying around all day.  No, I'm not a happy camper right now.

I did start working on a new Swedish weaving table runner with one of the new patterns I just bought and that improves my spirits.  I'm also making plans to revamp my spare bedroom at home with Ikea shelving.  I've held off on that because it's too big for me to pick up in my car but I'll bite the bullet and ask Nick to pick it up and then ask someone in the family to put it together for me.  I hate not being able to do all this myself but I really need to do something about that bedroom storage.

I'm bored and don't know how to handle it.  When healthy, I can just go hop in the car and go somewhere/anywhere that I want but my mind isn't clear enough right now to be out driving.  The worst drivers in the world all come to Florida!  I guess I'll just continue with my meds and hope for better days.

Upper/back Arm Ache

So here I am up at 3 A.M. and trying to research why I'm having upper arm pain at the back of my arm.  From what I can tell, it seems to be caused by the way I sleep on it.  One good thing is that the pain gradually goes away when I'm up and moving.

I'm a real sissy about pain because I rarely have it but a lot came along with this cold I'm almost over.  The coughing caused my stomach to hurt and now my arm is hurting for some reason.  Maybe I just need to put a heating pad on it and go back to bed.

The cold is almost gone but I still have the cough so I won't be around people for a few days yet. 

Almost Back

I got to thinking, as I felt much better today than yesterday, how awful it must feel to be sick and failing.  It must make you feel as though your body has just stopped working to keep you alive.

Dennis was very angry all through his illness and I always thought it was because he'd lost control over his body but it just might have been anger at his body for letting him down.

Dennis was a runner and never carried an ounce of fat on himself.  He ate fairly well and drank very little alcohol.  His demon was cigarettes and he'd been hooked on them since the age of 16.  He was slender but strong because he'd always done physical work.  

I know he initially believed his esophageal cancer diagnosis could be put behind him, that he'd survive it with simple will power.  It was not to be and, as he sickened, he became even more angry...not with what he was losing but with his inability to control his fate.

As I, a much older woman than Dennis was when he died and as someone who has not taken care of herself over the years, continue to recover from this dreadful cold, I'm filled with awe at the ability of the human body to persevere.  I noticed yesterday that I could feel my strength returning more and more as each hour passed.  Amazing!  It was as though my immune system had gained momentum and was chugging me towards a healthy standard.

I guess there is a time when your body doesn't have the ability to return to normal.  It weakens and stops functioning to sustain you.  It has done it's best but it's best becomes not quite good enough.

As I gain strength in recovering from the germs that invaded my body, I don't feel as though it was me controlling the process.  Our bodies operate in their own way at their own time and they either are strong enough to overcome an illness or they're not.  I do believe attitude has something to do with it but the mind can't control everything.  Sometimes the body as a whole tells us that it's too weary to carry on, that the illness is too tough an adversary to overcome.

But today my body is telling me there's strength in the old girl yet!

Amazing Body

I kind of like that title but it's deceptive.  I'm referring to the amazing ability of the human body, even a 77 year old one like mine, to fight back illness.

This cold hit me like a ton of bricks on Thursday...up until then I had a few sniffles I thought were from tree pollen.  I was so sick that I almost hoped I'd die.  The cough is horrible, deep and almost bronchial, and it gradually hurts the stomach muscles so much that you try not to cough.  My nose was running and my mind was foggy.  It wasn't a pleasant day.

My friend, Carol, called to ask if I needed anything because she was at Walmart and all I could think of was potato chips.  This told me I wasn't going to die if I still wanted chips.  She brought me chips and lozenges and left them outside the trailer door while I was napping...it's too dangerous to come into a trailer filled with cold germs.  I really enjoyed those chips inbetween coughing spells.

I felt slightly better on Friday because my mind had cleared somewhat.  I've found that when you're very sick you can't think clearly.  I was really tired so went to bed at 6:30 and slept off and on until 6 A.M. today.  Every time I woke up, I felt just a tad better and the coughing had diminished a lot.

Today I'll do some Swedish weaving and stay home because I don't want to infect anyone else.  There's nothing I need but, if I do, I know I have good friends here who will get it for me.  I am blessed!

First Cold in a Year

Thank heavens I get very few colds but I think I have one now.  I first thought it was sniffles from allergies but the cough now sounds more like bronchitis.  Time to stay home and away from people!

I have to go over to the clubhouse this morning to hem Dee's afghan but I can keep my distance from everyone and then just go home when I'm done.  This is mainly a senior park and we old folk shouldn't be around germs because we can't fight them off as easily as the young ones.

Anyway, my coffee morning tomorrow will also probably be cancelled, too, because I don't think this will clear up any time soon.  Same for cards and Bingo...I need to keep my germs to myself!

Feeling Loved

It doesn't take much to make your mother feel loved.  Just a phone call when I know you're on your way to work, weaving through rush hour traffic, and trying to plan all the things you have to get done today.  When I get a call like I did this morning from Cindy, knowing how hectic her every day is, I feel the warmth of love.  I am a very lucky lady to have 3 daughters who love me even though I made millions of mistakes in raising them.  I always say that Dennis and I must have done something right to have ended up with these treasures who are our daughters.

Ghost Town

It struck me the other day that I live in a ghost town now that I'm so aged.  Memories of bygone days filter through my mind as I go through my day and many of the figures in those memories have passed away.  I can still see them clearly smiling happily and not knowing their time on earth is running out.

I went through my Swedish weaving blog yesterday and ran across photos of friends who have passed and they looked so healthy and alive.  It always amazes me how that vitality can just disappear.   I guess it's the same feeling we all get when we look at old photos of friends or relatives who have died.  

Some people leave a stronger imprint than others and a few of them haunt my memories but in a good way.  I always question where they've gone because, in this vast universe, they must be somewhere. 

Leg Cramps

One of the nicest things about waking up after a good night sleep is stretching out your body.  I tend to sleep all curled up so I really need to stretch.  These godawful leg and foot cramps I've been getting lately are almost unbearable and I have to jump out of bed as soon as they start so I can stand up and feel them cancel themselves.  If Don hadn't educated me about standing up as soon as a cramp starts, I think I'd have passed out from the pain of some that I've had.

Apparently I'm lacking a certain element in my body (magnesium) which is probably the cause so I'll have to buy some.  If that doesn't work, I'm at a loss.  If I was bedbound and couldn't get out of bed to stand up, I'd be in agony.

The internet is full of stories from people of all ages who have this same problem and most seem to have been helped by taking magnesium.  Now, I don't get these awful cramps often but seem to get them in spurts...every day for a week or so and then none for months.  Strange.

Ready for Home

While it's been a lovely winter here in the warmth with good friends and Shelley nearby, I've had an inner craving for home most of the time.  Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of fun but there has been this deep drive to be back home and I'm not positive why that is.  I'm not the only senior here who has noticed the difference in the park...many of our friends have passed away or chosen not to come back.  

We've all commented on how many strangers are in the park now and maybe that's to be expected but there is definitely a change that is hard to diagnose.  We had our Vegas Days yesterday and, while many came, not as many came.  We had the annual Turd Toss on Wednesday and many came...but not near as many came.  I'm sure the lots are full and the park population is just as high as ever but the social atmosphere is a tad lower than it used to be.

Since I wasn't here last winter, the change is probably magnified for me.  My coffee morning group has dropped from about 20 to 10 and they are still a joy to spend time with but we also speak about the ones who aren't here any more and that's sad.  Yes, time has changed our park and those of us who hate change are uneasy about it.

My first big disappointment came at Christmas dinner in the clubhouse when it failed to feel like a huge family get-together any more.  That's when I really started to ache for home.  I have to say that ache lessened somewhat over the winter as I got more involved with activities with friends but it never really went away.

Faye will arrive here on the 25th and stay with me until we head home on April 7th.  Having her here will be a comfort for sure.  I usually end Friday coffee mornings at the end of the month but the final Friday of March is Good Friday and I wondered if anyone would be interested in coming...they will and that means Faye gets to enjoy it with us.

I know I've been squawking about wanting to be home and how it's changed too much here at the park but the good friends still here mean a lot to me.  I miss every one of them when I'm back home and look forward to seeing them when I get back to Florida.  Now, if only every single one of them would make it back!

Old age can be a bitch!

Some Inner Observations

There's no question I've been blessed with how I'm able to live my senior years.  I give most of the thanks to Dennis for the hard work and dedication he provided us but I know I had a small part in planning for this time in my/our lives.

Good or bad, I think the real person I was meant to be has emerged in these latter years.  I see myself being more social and on a more truthful level.  At this age we have no-one to impress or compete with so we can just be who we are.

When I make friends, I am still humbled by the fact they like me and want to spend time with me...that feeling may never go away because it's part of the baggage I carry.  Believe me, seniors have been through a lot of crap in their lives and it's up to us how we come through it all.  I believe I've done well.

What got me started on this tangent was how much I enjoy the solitary quiet of the early morning.  There is no loneliness in being alone if you have the right attitude.  In fact, we seniors sometimes can't adjust to the frenzy of being in crowds.  Gail and I talked about this the other day and we agree we can only tolerate the noise and confusion of crowds for a short time before we have to escape to a quieter atmosphere.  Even our card playing nights, while very enjoyable because the people we play with are wonderful, wouldn't be so wonderful if they happened every single night.  

I can't speak for seniors who suffer from loneliness while doing nothing to alleviate it.  You can't sit on your butt and expect the world to come to you.  You have to step out and engage the world where you most certainly will make contact with nice people with like interests.  I could never have done this in my earlier years but I have no trouble now.  I talk to everyone!  Apparently age has opened me up.  

Anyway, today is my coffee morning with some of the ladies in our park who mean a lot to me.  They help make my life interesting and comfortable just by being themselves.  Yes, I am blessed and, no, I'm never lonely because I do step outside my own space to have relationships with good people.