My New Hat

Isn't it pretty? I needed a wide brimmed hat to protect my face from the sun (especially in Florida) and had gone shopping a while ago to look for one but summer stuff is scarce right now. Today, at the clinic, I saw this one at the volunteers' desk and went over to ask how much it cost. Darned if all their hats aren't donated and free to cancer patients so that's how I got it. I'll see what I can find in Florida and bring them back to the clinic as my donation for their kindness. I'm not crazy about wearing a hat but I'll do it because I have to do it.

It's a crazy day out there...first overcast and threatening rain but interspersed with sunshine. The air feels like autumn now and you can see more fall color in the trees. I'm staying inside today to get laundry and floors done. I meant to do them on Tuesday but only got as far as getting out the vacuum cleaner before I lost interest. Well, today's the day.

By the way, anyone been watching the "XFactor"? It's just as good, maybe better than American Idol. I love seeing the undiscovered talent that abounds out there. I've also become addicted to watching "Dancing With The Stars", thanks to Mary and Faye. I don't watch much other than reality T.V. anymore and have never been a soap fan.

Well, I guess I'd better wash these floors before I lose interest again.

I Don't Like Pain

After 10 radiation treatments on my lip with 10 more to go, my lip is now hurting enough to cause me more than a little discomfort. It's all for a good cause but I don't handle pain well and it tends to get me down. So far I've rarely needed to even take a Tylenol but the poor sleep I had last night tells me I should have taken one yesterday. This isn't a strong, biting pain but even a steady ache can get pretty annoying after a while. The discomfort now seems to be coming from the effects of the radiation so it can only get worse...10 treatments to go and I'm told the effects worsen for 2-3 weeks after the treatments end.

I know I'm lucky that all I'm dealing with is skin cancer. Every day that I go to the cancer clinic for my 90 seconds of radiation, I see so many people in various stages of what could be more severe cancers so I do know how fortunate I am. The staff at the clinic are out and out wonderful. If there is a bright spot in a cancer clinic, it has to be the staff there who are angels in their own way.

Skin cancer is one of the easiest to cure (90%) but it isn't something to take lightly. I'd never even heard of someone with skin cancer on their lip until I developed a small sore there that wouldn't heal. That is one of the clearest signs of skin cancer and I knew that but let it go longer than I should have. The doctors still refer to my sore as a small one but it sure doesn't feel that way when I see an eruption across 2/3 of my bottom lip...that is since the treatment, of course, and not as horrible as it might sound. The original sore was really quite small but treatment also affects the healthy skin around it because the doctors want to make sure they kill all of the cancer cells.

Once I'm healed, I will always have to protect the treated skin (and all the rest, too) with sun block. I've already bought lipstick with an SPF15 and that will be a pain to have to wear because I seldom wear lipstick. But life and circumstances change all the time and if my only complaint is having to wear lipstick then I'm a lucky soul, aren't I? I'm kidding about it being my only complaint, though. I'll have lots more!

Anyway, I'm off this morning to have treatment #11 of 20 and that's not the worst thing in the world, is it?

Bullied to Death

I listened to a news report this morning about a 14 year old gay young man who suffered so much bullying by students at his school that he was unable to cope anymore and committed suicide. The fact that he was gay isn't as important as the fact that his teen peers saw his "differentness" and pecked at him maliciously because of it. His being different in any way would have drawn their cruelty because that seems to be part of our human nature and one we should be working to change.

It's difficult to imagine what it's like to be bullied because it never happened to me. I was a fighter who wouldn't have stood still for it but not everyone is able to do that. I had lots of friends in school, too, but what of the "different" child who is very sensitive and doesn't have enough close friends to build him/her up? To be different and feel as though it's you against the world...it can be too much for a young person to live with.

People of all ages can be terribly cruel in their judgements of others but teens are worst of all. They form packs and often have mob mentalities, following the mindset of their pack leaders. If that pack leader chooses to pick on the "different" one, the rest will follow suit and, being a group, will make that poor soul's life miserable. Teens often haven't developed their own consciences enough to stand up to the pack when they do wrong.

I wish they didn't stress that this young man who committed suicide was gay. He was picked on because he was different and didn't fit inside the narrow parameters that most of society call normal. We have a natural aversion to what we consider abnormal and it takes education and maturity to broaden our borders. Unfortunately, human beings like to think that they're better than someone else, anyone else, and there lies our propensity to bully.

I don't think anything much will change because of this young man's death, at least not in the near future. It might take decades or centuries before humans have evolved enough to be more accepting of anything other than the norm. Like I said, it will require education and remodeling but that's an ongoing process. It would be interesting to be able to jump ahead 500 years and see whether we've progressed or regressed on the evolutionary scale.

There is one thing that will shut up any bully, though, and that's the immediate response of his peers who won't tolerate seeing anyone bullied. In the end, it probably comes down to peer pressure that will stop bullying.

Gambling Bug

My daughter phoned me today and one the things we discussed was how wasteful and fruitless gambling was. Of course I agreed but I see nothing wrong with me going to the casino once a month instead of spending the money on cigarettes, booze, or any other frivolous vice that most of us have. Cindy is so like a few other people I know who just can't fathom that anyone could enjoy gambling. I countered with the fact that we all have our vices, things we could live without but that we like and choose to spend our money on.

The only problem with vices like this is if we spend more than we can afford or if we get ourselves into debt by indulging in them. I don't do either so I'm safe as far as I can tell. The casino is a place of entertainment for me that I go to once a month because that's all I can afford. Cindy called it an addiction but I think it's only an addiction if we are unable to stay away from it and our involvement is harming us.

Cindy suggested I'd be better off going to a dinner show once a month instead of to the casino but I really don't see the difference. I think we should do what we like within moderation and not worry about whether or not anyone else likes it. That's what I do and will continue doing.

I think I'll invite Cindy to go to the casino with me when I get back home next spring. I'm not making my monthly trip to the casino in October because that's when I have to send off one of my Florida lot rent payments. See, Cindy, I do gamble what I can afford!

We Live For Home

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” ― C.S. Lewis

I've become a fan of C.S. Lewis' quotes and this is one that makes sense in a way I never thought of before. It's so true that whatever road or career we choose to follow in life, it's all done in order to provide our nest, our home. What we put into that nest, be it children, works of art, or simply comfy furniture, it's the end result of our labors.

I do believe he might mean that a housewife is set in place and supported by a husband who works outside the home but I choose to look at it my own way.

Some people go a little too far and use their homes as status symbols instead of what they are supposed to represent. A home, with family and necessary furnishings, is our haven. It's where we live, where we plan our lives, where we form our families. It's where we carry on the reason for our existence.

Home is a comfort zone where outsiders are allowed entry only with our permission. We have our special chairs or spot on the sofa that suits us perfectly. Our "things" are there. It's where we go to escape the stresses of the world and, when we step inside and close the door behind us, we are where we belong.

Yes, everything that we do outside our home is of less importance than what we do inside because inside is where our heart is. There really is no place like home, is there?

I've gone on lovely vacations in the past, travelled to foreign countries where I revelled in the new experiences but, about 10 days into the trip, I always began to long for home. It was as though I realized that I didn't really belong in those places...they weren't "home" to me. Now, my little trailer in Florida is very close to home for me, though, because it's a place I've settled. I've put down roots and maybe that's the key. You just don't have the time to put down roots when you're vacationing and it might also be a place you won't even return to in the future.

I've lived in my house for 43 years so my roots go deep here. Most of the memories of my life revolve around happenings in this house. And I do have my favorite spot on the sofa. Apparently Nolan is aware that it's my spot because he often points to it and tells me to "sit" (he has a cute little lisp so it sounds more like "shit" but I know what he means).

Looking back, I know that it took a lot of effort and hard work to buy our home. We gave up luxuries in order to have the home that was so important to us...I think it mattered more to me but then it probably does matter more to the woman. Our nesting instinct is so strong that few men can deter us from our goal of raising our families in our own homes.

C.S. Lewis was right. It's all done for the home.

I Don't Vote

I don't vote and if ever I begin to think this is a mistake all I have to do is listen to the so called public service ads on T.V. All parties are either making promises they will never keep or else they're degrading their opponents but I know they're all cut from the same cloth. We, the public, cannot trust a politician and yet we need them to run the country. It's a catch 22 position that we're in, unfortunately.

Now, I knew they all lie and they'll forget all about the people they represent once they're in power, but someone has to run this country. Our only hope against out and out thievery by our politicians is that we have a free press and people who devote their lives to keeping the thievery down to a minimum. There is not a party which is better or worse than the other...except maybe the NDP. They are worse than I ever would have believed years ago when I supported them wholeheartedly. That is, until they became the ruling party in Ontario and damned near bankrupted the province in their first year in power. No one was more shocked than I was that the "party of the people" was so inept. The NDP forgot who was paying the bills in Ontario and simply gave away our money to every public program that crossed their path. They gave with abandon until the public finally stood up and screamed loudly that the NDP was out of control and it had to stop.

That was when I lost faith and stopped voting. After all, if the "party of the people" couldn't do better by us then no-one could. I had to admit that the Liberals and Conservatists at least knew how to steal but not bankrupt the province.

Against my better judgement, I did vote in our local election last fall because I felt strongly that we needed a new mayor. The old one was inept and the new one that I voted for is secretive. A politician by any name is still a rat.

My Girls

My girls grew up in a loving but chaotic household, due to my bouts of depression. Somehow they grew up to be strong, capable, and good women so I always say that their father and I must have done a few things right. Maybe the deep love we had for them helped them get through the chaos.

I got a phone call from Shelley this morning and she was crying as she insisted on telling me it was a happy cry. She'd received her Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree this past spring and was just accepted in grad school to take steps towards earning her Master of Science in Nursing degree. We both cried in happiness but there had never been any doubt in my mind that she'd be accepted.

My girls are all smart as a whip even if I do say so myself. Each one of them is capable of achieving whatsoever they choose to do with their lives and I credit the intelligent genes they inherited from both me and their father. I do flatter myself, don't I?

I realized a long time ago that my spirit was too weak for me to do what was best for myself but that made me determined that my children wouldn't suffer the same fate. I've especially stressed to the female line that they had to be strong and not ever let anyone hold them back. Many thanks to the "crazy" Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's!

My girls were always very much loved but they also were always expected to live up to their capabilities. We were maybe a little too strict with their freedom but we'd seen how much trouble girls can get into if not monitored properly. If I could go back and remove the effects of their living with their sometimes wildly depressed mother, I'd do that but it can't be undone.

My girls grew up in a large extended family that we were all very close to and that taught them to value family even more than usual. My girls have remained the closest of sisters and continue the closeness with their nieces and nephews.

Yes, Dennis and I did something right to have produced three girls who grew up to be three wonderful women.

Losing Interest

About this time of year I usually start losing interest in my outdoor plants (I have one indoor plant now and I think it's almost dead) but since this summer I've been sort of disinterested in them. I don't know the last time I watered anything and I've depended on the occasional rainfall to bring them back from the near dead. A lot of my disinterest stems from how horribly hot it was this past summer but some of it might be because I'm tired of being responsible for everything all by myself.

Granted, I'm very fortunate that Nick cuts the lawn for me and I've been lucky enough to find good handymen but it would be nice if I didn't have to arrange everything without the benefit of a husband to take on some of the load. I guess I feel whiney today and maybe a little overburdened because of the skin cancer.

I'm a naturally lazy person so having to deal with every detail of my life alone isn't what I'd want if I had a choice. Dennis took care of so many of the chores that he didn't even bother to discuss them with me and that was perfectly fine. If something broke, I'd just tell him about it and it would magically be fixed the next time I looked at it. Now it just sits there broken until I figure out what to do with it. I used to have unlimited time to look after my outdoor plants but now they seem like one more chore on top of all the others so it was easy to let nature take it's course with them...it would rain if they were meant to live.

I feel a little guilty when I look at some of my deck plants and they appear wilted but then I remember that rain is on the way and they'll be okay. Now I hope the rain won't interfere with my trips to the clinic each day but I can't have everything, can I?

Looking Back on Mistakes Made

All through your life you'll look back on the mistakes or bad things you did and you'll probably have a lot of regrets. I'm one of those people who not only suffer regrets after the fact but also as it's occurring so you'd think that someone like that would be a saint. Not so. Human beings are inherently selfish and self centered critters so we tend to ignore our conscience when we're doing wrong.

When I look back and remember some of my indiscretions, I feel shame once again but there's nothing I can do to change what was done. Now, I'm not talking about cheating on my husband or anything that bad but I mean the cruel or nasty moments in your life you're ashamed to accept you're capable of doing.

I remember one moment when, out of jealousy, I joked about the skin of one of my friends turning brown because she'd become too friendly with a nice black girl in our grade 4 class. I knew as I said it that it was wrong and cruel but I said it anyway. My shame comes more from knowing the black girl heard me and how it must have hurt her.

For most of us, our lives are filled with incidents like this and often much worse (mine, too) and I believe the saving grace is that we know and understand that these were things we shouldn't have done. We have consciences that attempt to keep us from sinking into unhealthy behaviour.

I remember saying cruel words out of spite or bitterness or unbridled anger. Those words can't be unsaid but they can be regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and our transgressions if it matters enough to us and it matters very much to me. I deeply regret any pain I caused anyone over my lifetime but I'll probably err a few times more before I'm done. Honestly, though, I'm trying harder these days not to add to my naughty list. This is a good thing!

This and That

I forgot to mention yesterday that I met a lady at the casino who had me laughing. She apparently is a serial gambler who travels all over Canada and the States to casinos...she must also have a lot of money. Among other things, she told me she calls herself a "slot slut" and I thought that was a hoot. I told Mary we're slot sluts, too, but she was having none of that. When you think of it, the name doesn't apply to us so I'll just have to keep it in my memory for a giggle now and then.

I had my 3rd radiation treatment today and it went fine. It started to rain just as I got back to the car so I lucked out there. Then I drove over to Nick's house for a little visit to see my precious greatgrandsons. They are so sweet. Nash talked a blue streak to me and Nolan entertained me by putting on his own pants. Brilliant children!

Kim phoned when I got home because she'd read my last blog about how my lip was hurting. I explained that it's more an ache and I had it before the radiation treatments. I guess she felt sorry for me because now she's going to take me to a movie this week. I'll have to moan and groan more often.

We're getting some rain tonight and then tomorrow night so I should keep nice and dry when I go for treatment #4 tomorrow morning. I told Faye she doesn't need to come with me to the clinic but I will call her for a ride if it's ever pouring rain when I have to go. Life would be awful without good family and friends.

Weekend With Mary

I went out to Mary's new house to spend the weekend and we had a great time. We always do...it's so nice to have friends that cause you no grief, just accept you as you are.

I loved the house and property. It's in the country and sits on about 2 1/2 acres, much of which is bush but Don will have that cleared out in no time. The house is a small old brick one but there has been a lot of remodelling done to it. Of course, the remodeller didn't quite finish a lot of projects but the most important things are done. It has new windows, new kitchen and bathroom, new drywall and tile. and new decks front and back. The finishing touches will be easy compared to the work that's already done. And Don has a huge, heated worshop to play in!

They plan on building a large addition in the springtime because the bedroom is currently in a loft. The peacefulness and privacy of the surroundings are lovely. There are large farms on either side so Mary will have all the privacy her little heart desires. I almost envy her this lovely place but it's a little too secluded for my liking.

We put some of her stuff away Saturday (they're hauling stuff out every trip but still living in their house in Paris) and then went to the casino in Windsor which was about another hour's drive. We had supper there and then Mary won a lot of money and I lost all of mine. Surprise!

It was quite late when we got back home so we slept well all night. Mary has 2 futons up in the loft for company but she slept up there, too, because the rest of her furniture is still in Paris.

On Sunday we went out for breakfast and then came back to pick apples for Faye and for Don's horse. There is a very healthy apple tree quite close to the house that was filled apples so Mary got out a ladder to pick as many as she could reach. I just bagged them.

We got back to Paris at about 6 P.M. and said our goodbyes. I was sort of anxious to get home and put some ointment on my lip because it hurt pretty badly. I really love hanging out with Mary and always know it will be fun. I'm already looking forward to visiting her next spring and seeing what they've accomplished on their house over the winter. It will be darned nice, that's for sure.

Tomorrow morning I go back to the clinic for treatment #3 (of 20). I'm not handling the ache I'm feeling right now so I'd better start using Tylenol before it gets me down.

The Good in Us

We often become cynical of the human race because of all the horrible things a very few of us do but I saw a video today that gave me a boost. It was pretty spectacular, fantastic enough to make the T.V. news (I don't know when it happened, though).

A young man riding a motorcycle was in a collision with a car, subsequently causing the front of the car and the motorcycle to burst into flames. A large group of people, young and old, approached the burning car and a young girl dropped down on the ground to ascertain that the motorcycle driver was under the car and still alive.

The group of very brave and caring people tackled the job of lifting the car up and off the victim and then dragging him to safety. It was an act of bravery that proves once again the good that is in us.

If you'd like to see the video, just key in "people lifting burning car youtube" and see for yourself how amazing we can be!

Interesting Day

Yesterday was interesting for me in a few ways. I had my first session of radiation on my lip skin cancer and it went well just as I expected. Apparently, there won't be much showing on the sore until the 5th session and that's when the skin starts to redden. They told me there's a topographical cream available if it becomes too painful but most people I've talked to seem to think it won't get that bad. All and all, it's a small price to pay to get rid of something that could become deadly.

Then I had a nap in the afternoon because, even though I'm not outwardly upset, inside I'm under a lot of stress. I'm sleeping longer through the night, too, and I know it's all related to stress. That's okay, though, because it's something my body needs right now and naps are kind of pleasant.

I went out for dinner with Lisa, Kim, Cindy, and Tyson (Tyson was a pleasant surprise). We went to the Black Forest and the food was excellent as always. I hadn't been there in maybe two years but over a great many years their food never changes and it's always a wonderful place to dine. I was especially pleased to have Tyson with us because I just don't see him often enough. He's been living in North Bay going to university for 4-5 years and I bet I haven't seen him more than once a year in all that time. I adore him!

Back home I watched a bit of T.V. but then hit the sack early...9 P.M. I think I was asleep by 10 and then up at 7 this morning. A good long and much needed sleep to prepare me for whatever stress the day will bring. I can and will do it!

I Keep Hurting Myself

Why is it that when you have a sore that's what you keep hitting? I whack my poor sore lip in my sleep and I whack it when I'm awake, too. I remember breaking my toe a few years ago and the next day whacking it on a chair. Am I a closet masochist?

People aren't meant to suffer pain and we certainly don't fully appreciate the days when we stroll through a day with nothing hurting us. We accept that's the way it should be so, when we reach a ripe old age and body parts start protesting, we become annoyed. We blame the body parts for letting us down now that we once again have the freedom to run the roads and play.

Since my knee has been acting up, I notice younger people with springier steps and feel a wistful envy that I might never attain that again. The knee pain does come and go so I do have some hope of better days ahead, though.

The people I hang out with tend to laugh about our respective aches and pains, especially when we're doggedly pulling ourselves out of a car. It helps to laugh about it because, if we're laughing, it can't be all that bad. It sure beats moaning and groaning about it because then we wouldn't rouse ourselves to continue having fun, would we? There is a big difference between the minor aches that most seniors endure and real pain. For most of us it's just an occasional discomfort that doesn't stop us from enjoying our "twilight" years. We may enjoy them a little slower but, what the heck, at least we're doing it.

I like to inform my younger friends that old age isn't something to fear. It's more something to value because that's when you have the time to mold it your own way. No-one knows how much time they have on this earth but we can pretty well count on today and that makes it very important to make today a good one.

Despite my aches and pains, I enjoy my life. I love my family to bits and I enjoy the company of some darned good friends so my life is pretty full. Now, if I could only stop whacking myself on my sore lip!

Ready to Radiate

I went to the cancer clinic this morning for my appointment to have the face mask fitted. It appears to be a sheet of clear plastic that was marked to show the location of my ear, nose, eyes, and sore but it will only be on the left side of my face where the sore is. I'll also wear a pliable plastic guard which fits inside my mouth between the sore and my teeth and also covers my upper lip. The nurses who took care of me were a lot of fun. One of them had radiation treatment for a similar sore on her upper lip so she was a mountain of information on what to expect during and after the treatments.

They were able to start my 20 treatment schedule this coming Thursday which means I'll be finished on October 13th. I'm told that the radiation keeps working for 3-6 weeks after I'm finished before the sore actually begins to heal. It will be an open sore for most of the time and I don't want to go to the Florida park while it's open so I plan on staying at Shelley's house for possibly a week once we get to Florida. As of now, she plans to come up here right before Kim's surgery and then drive down with me on November 3rd.

The clinic opens at 9 A.M. so I asked if my treatments could be as early as possible and they were able to accomodate me for most of them. The 2 times I have a treatment in the afternoon is when I am evaluated by the doctor right after.

This won't be an easy chapter in my life but I know I can handle it.

Scamming Seniors

I'm not sure why scammers find it so easy to get money from seniors. Most of the seniors I know could spot a scammer a mile away and would never hand over money to them but that doesn't seem to be the case with some seniors.

I wonder if it's the lonely ones who become victims. There are a lot of lonely old people who might fall victim just because a person has been kind and polite to them. It's sort of the same reason why some women (of all ages) become victims of men who promise them the moon.

When you see these scammed seniors interviewed by police or reporters, they don't seem to be addle brained but just too trusting. I think that the more these scams are reported to the public the more aware seniors will be and therefore on guard. It's a shame that there is so little respect for the elderly in our culture that we need to be careful who we trust.

I have noticed that when I've made unusually large withdrawals from the bank, the teller will tactfully ask what it's for and I'm not insulted by that. It's a good thing for all of us to look out for each other.

Waste

I'm feeling very sad today thinking about how many lives have been senselessly lost because of war. And I envision the leaders of the troops sitting back in safety as they send their delusional followers off to fight their wars, wars waged in the name of religion or greed. Won't we ever learn?

9/11 10 Years Later

Just as we should never forget the horrors of the holocaust, we should never forget the insanity of September 11, 2001 when the United States was viciously attacked by suicidal terrorists.

That a small group of religious fanatics who I'm sure believe in their god with all their hearts could even think to climb on an airplane loaded with innocent men, women, and children and deliberately cause that plane to crash is beyond my comprehension. And not only to take the innocent lives on the plane but to crash it into a building filled with thousands more innocent lives is beyond our understanding. What kind of religion would spur their members to commit mass murder like this?

We can have no defence against insanity and that's what happened that day...pure insanity. I'm simply amazed that there hasn't been a repeat of this insanity since that day. Maybe it's because even the most diehard terrorists realize that they have been driven by maniacal prophets instead of their gods.

There is no doubt that we've escaped further devastating terrorist attacks because of the diligence of the United States military and for that I'm very thnkful. I still believe that the United States should keep their troups out of foreign lands but that's another story.

I'll never forget the absolute shock of watching the news on T.V. that fateful day and seeing the second plane hit the Twin Towers and burst into flames. I was so in shock that it just wouldn't compute. I literally could not believe this was happening in the United States, our strong and protective neighbor. With realization that this was really happening at that moment, my next thought was how many people would lose their lives. Hard on the heels of this realization came the horrific images of the towers collapsing and I believe I was truly in physical shock at that moment.

The scenes were more horrible than any horror movie but it was reality we were seeing. Masses of people covered in white soot stumbled away from the wreckage with looks of terror on their faces. Armies of police officers and firefighters were racing in to help in any way they could. You knew that this was a moment in history that you would never forget or ever should. This was human nature at it's worst and the reason we should never forget is that it will teach us to be on guard to prevent it ever happening again...like the holocaust. These two shameful events in history are proof of what human beings are capable of doing if we allow ourselves to degrade to our base instincts. We are and can be better than that.

There have often been stories that the holocaust never really happened and that was perpetuated by people who prefer to believe that no-one could commit such atrocities. But they can. Stories are circulating that the destruction of the Twin Towers was actually done by the United States government but that's so foolish. I agree that our government leaders are capable of inflicting damage on it's citizens in order to serve their own purposes but not something like this. This was done by religious zealots who had been brainwashed by their spiritual leaders to take as many American lives as they possibly could.

I'll be watching the televised events of 9/11 this weekend and feeling again the helplessness I felt on that day 10 years ago. I'll be watching and wondering again how people with a deep faith in their god could commit mass murder. And I'll once again feel an uneasy suspicion about the Moslem religion and how many of it's followers now reside in my country.

Faye Needs Younger Friends

Faye is 76 years old but half that age in interests and energy. She called to ask me if I'd like to wander around Aberdeen St. tomorrow because some special event was going on. Old fogey that I am, I considered that the street would be crowded because it's a Saturday and because it's a special event so I turned down her offer. She said she needs younger friends. Now, Faye has lots of friends of all ages so she has lots to pick from. Unfortunately for her, she'd prefer to run the roads with her old friends and some of us have bad knees.

We always tell Faye that she'll be sharing her 100th birthday with Don and Sheila because none of the rest of us will make it there. Don, at 76, still rides horses. Sheila, at 76, still has her own black hair and moves like a teenager. Faye is going to miss those of us who don't make it!

I'm really angry with my knees because they hold me back in ways I'd never anticipated. I've always loved to walk and sightsee but now I have to think about how much pain I can tolerate or how far I dare venture. I don't like this at all. The thing with my knees is that the pain can disappear for months on end and then come back with a vengeance so I'll just have to save myself for the good days.

Some good news for me: I got my out-of-country insurance quote for Florida. I'll be leaving here Nov. 5th and returning April 15th and my insurance will cost $774. I have a good broker who always gets me a good rate. My skin cancer won't be covered, of course, but that's not a problem. If it returns while I'm in Florida, I'll just come home early to have it treated.

Haircut

I knew what I wanted because I had it all figured out how it could be achieved. But, because I have a hard time explaining myself, I had Mary get her haircut first so I could pour through some style books and find something similar to what I wanted. I poured and I poured but couldn't find the picture that was in my mind. I poured some more and found something slightly similar but one that would have to be explained to Marion so she could make the necessary changes. It looked pretty cute on a dark haired teen so why wouldn't it look cute on a grey haired 71 year old lady?

Marion listened intently as I showed her the picture and explained how it needed some adjustments to meet my requirements. Straightfaced, she asked if I understood I'd be getting a mullet. "A MULLET!", I yelped. That was not what I had in mind.

Trying to pacify me, Marion made a few suggestions which I okayed. And then she cut my hair.

I don't like my hair and I have no-one to blame but myself. It probably would look good on a dark haired teen.

Note: Faye said I should have used the word "pored" instead of "poured" but Donna was on my side. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is on Faye's side so she's right again, damn it!

OPSEU Pickets United Way!

Opseu union workers who are presently on strike and picketing our community colleges apparently can't tell the difference between their beef with the colleges and the disruption they cause in other areas.

Mohawk College was supposed to hold it's annual parking lot garage sale this Saturday as a benefit for United Way but was unable to persuade the union not to disrupt it. The college, which does not benefit in any way from the sale, decided it was in the best interests and safety of the public to cancel the event.

Personally, I think it should have been allowed to go on and the public could have gotten a close look at how OPSEU strikers behave when they are making their demands and holding the taxpayer hostage. Remember that it's our tax money that pays the bills for our community colleges and it's a handful of strikers who are preventing us from using our own property.

I'm not totally anti-union because I believe they do serve a purpose in making life better for the workers but sometimes their power goes to their heads and they behave like criminals. They either forget or disregard the fact that they are not the only people in the world and that there are others with rights equal to their's.

In a way, it makes sense that if a worker feels he/she isn't receiving enough pay or benefits from their job then they should just go find another one instead of preventing their employer from conducting business. It seems illegal somehow. I can understand that a large group of employees could decide to withhold their services but how can it be legal for them to prevent the business from hiring others to do the jobs? Those OPSEU jobs pay darned well and there must be many people who would jump at the chance for one of them.

Again, I'm not really anti-union but maybe they've gotten a little too greedy and obnoxious and forgotten about the rest of us.

I'm Going to be Radiated!

Faye went with me to the cancer clinic today so I could find out if radiation would be done on my lip. The doctor (old and cute) said that the skin cancer was a small one (looks big to me, though) and he would do 20 daily radiation treatments on it which will take a month to complete. I am so happy!

Apparently you can only receive radiation once so if the skin cancer returns in that spot (10% chance) it would have to be removed surgically. He is only going to treat the sore on the one side of my lip and not the whole lip because the right side is only pre-cancerous. It might never get any worse but I'll need to watch it and, if it does become skin cancer, then that part of my lip can receive radiation treatments.

This whole summer has been a sort of misery for me because of this lip and the original treatment (Aldara) that I suffered through. This was supposed to be my "easy" summer but it didn't turn out that way. I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I'm only dealing with a skin cancer that has such a high cure rate and not something deadlier, though.

One other thing that I am very thankful for is our Canadian health care system which, although sometimes imperfect, has been a godsend to me this summer. My dermatologist probably did what she thought was best for me (but it wasn't), my family doctor quickly referred me to the cosmetic surgeon who, in turn, quickly had the skin cancer biopsied. Quickly again, he made the decision that I might be better off having radiation treatments and he referred me to the cancer clinic. I was in there 3 working days later. Don't ever let anyone tell you that our health care system isn't damn good for the citizens of this country. And don't expect perfection because that doesn't exist anywhere.

Anyway, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel as though I can easily deal with what is to come. Oh yes, they weighed me at the clinic and I've only lost a couple of pounds over the summer. I didn't let a sore lip stop me from eating!

Truly Friends Again

Sharon and Jim did come up this morning and they brought me a Tim's coffee, too. We chatted for about an hour before Jim decided he needed to go sit in his car and have a nap so I asked Sharon if we could have a talk.

She didn't remember hanging up on me that fateful day but just thought she'd been a little curt. I was very tactful but managed to make her understand that she had hung up the phone on me 3 times that day and how it had made me feel. The last thing I wanted was for Sharon to be so hurt that I was confronting her that she'd run out the door but that didn't happen. She accepted her bad temper but didn't accept that she took it out on everyone around her. When I politely insisted that she did, she didn't put up a big argument.

I told her that no matter what she did, had temper tantrums or committed mass murder, I would always love her with all my heart but I wouldn't stand by and let her mistreat me. As we spoke, I watched her carefully to make sure I wasn't hurting her and it didn't seem to be the case. We both agreed that it was good to get things out in the open so we knew where we stood.

We kissed and hugged goodbye and made plans to meet for coffee next Sunday. And it was all done by me standing firm in not accepting rudeness but also being able to explain this to my sister without alienating her. I did good.

Friends Again

My sister phoned me again this morning. She's phoned occasionally since our rift and I've always been polite to her but deep down inside I kept hoping for an apology for the way she'd treated me. I guess I have to accept that the apology won't be coming.

We chatted for a while, playing catch up on what's been happening in our lives over the past few months and she asked if I'd meet her for coffee today or tomorrow. I countered with an invitation for her and Jim to come to my house for coffee tomorrow and she half way accepted. She'll call tomorrow and let me know for sure.

My feelings for my sister haven't changed much since our rift. I love her but I'm slightly uncomfortable around her because of her temper that she takes out on everyone and anyone if she's mad enough. It's made me just want to stay away from her for a while but I know it isn't forever.

It's always more fun to be around people who are light at heart, happy in their own skin and who can laugh at whatever problems arise. It makes me tense if the person I'm with looks about to explode with anger at any given moment if something happens to irritate them. I don't want to waste my time with people like that.

I used to have a temper like that. It's hard for me to even believe that's true but it is. Over the years I've learned to control outbursts because that benefits everyone involved, including me. Maybe a bad temper stems from frustration in other areas of your life but these days I operate mostly in a calm atmosphere. I've also learned techniques to deal with my temper on the rare occasions that it rears it's ugly head. I stop, step back, and wait until I've gained control before I react. I've finally grown up! I understand that years ago I felt my whole life was in upheaval so there were very few calm and sane times when I could gain some form of control over myself. My life is so different now and, with it, the maturity and peace to become a better person.

I hope Sharon and Jim come up tomorrow. Maybe we can get back to the friendship that developed a few cracks a few months ago. I know we love each other and that's what is most important.

My Maternal Great Grandparents

I really enjoy surfing the web, researching or just "searching". I don't know names on my father's side but I do have some information from my grandmother's side of the family. Below is what I found just by keying in my great-grandfather's name and his occupation.

12713-91 Thomas STEVENSON, 34, harness maker, Canada, Hamilton, s/o Thomas & Isabella, married Ida RICHARDSON, 28, Canada, Hamilton, d/o James & Ida, witn: John GREY & Mary CURSER, both of Hamilton, 4 April 1891 at Hamilton

This meant so very much for me to find because it's impossible for me to trace much of my ancestry. It was an emotional shock to see the ancient notice of the marriage of my great-grandfather and my great-grandmother. I'd never known the names of my great-great-grandparents and here they were. I'd been told that my great-grandmother's name was Ida Marie and knew that one of my aunts had been named after her.

My grandmother, Theresa, was born in 1894 and went on to have 3 daughters...Ida, Arvella (known as Isabel), and Rose. It thrills me that the "Isabel" (my mother) came from my great-grandfather's mother.

I've often identified with adoptees who know little or nothing of their ancestry because I know nothing about my family on my father's side. It will always make you feel as though a part of you is missing. Just learning this little bit about my maternal great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents makes me very happy.

Thomas and Isabella Stephenson, parents of my great-grandfather, Thomas.

James and Ida Richardson, parents of my great-grandmother, Ida Marie.

You are all part of me, my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren.

Note: Further research found the following article naming businesses back when my great-grandfather had his...

Harness Makers Fraser, Johnson & Co., John street north ; Thomas Clohecy, Kerrick street ; Coy & Co., King street west ; Wm. Dunlop, John street south ; John Finlayson, King street east ; Jos. Jolley & Sons, John street south ; Robert Kirkpatrick, Mar ket street ; W. E. Murray, Marnab street north ; Philp & Son, Yoi k street; Thomas Stevenson, Jo.in street south.

Finding this little bit of history and ancestry just thrills me to no end. I've been to the building where he ran his harness shop and it's now a bar. I told the manager a story I'd been told by my grandmother about how my great-grandfather had buried money in the backyard but couldn't find it when he'd tried to dig it back up. It could still be there or it could have been stolen many, many years ago.

Apparently GG Thomas was fairly well off because, besides owning the building that his business was in, he also owned the building next to it where he called home. I lived there for a while when I was a baby and the story goes that my great-grandmother was coming downstairs with some coins for me when she tripped and fell to her death.

Drama, good and bad, occurs in all lives and all generations.

Nolan the Talker

I've been around long enough to know that it might not be the worst thing in the world if our babies are late talkers because, once they start, you can't shut them up. I see Nolan about once a week and his vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. It doesn't seem to matter that his vocabulary is limited because he'll just keep yakking the same words over and over again.

He repeats everything you say so we have to watch our language around him. I tend to curse occasionally so I'm pretty worried that I'll be the one he learns those words from. It's thrilling for me to hear his progress because he's only with me for an hour or two but it must give his parents a headache.

Nick phoned this morning to tell me when he'd be cutting my lawn and all I could hear in the background was a steady stream of Nolan chatter. Sounds adorable to me but the noise ended when I hung up the phone. Nick is still immersed in it until Nolan has a nap.

I remember with my own babies always wishing away their childhood so that they'd be able to care for themselves but I soon learned that I should have enjoyed every moment of their neediness because it ended all too soon. No, diapers and bottle feeding aren't fun but that time is so fleeting. I don't think any mother will ever forget the sweet moments when they were bottle or breast feeding their child and the child stared into their eyes with complete trust. Those are indelible moments.

Nolan is only 2 years old so he is very dependant on the adults who care for him and will be to some extent for many years to come. I'm looking forward to the day he can carry on a real conversation but I know that will be another milestone on his road to independance. Still, with maturity comes his own ability to keep himself safe and happy and that's what we all want for him. Bless his sweet and precious little heart!!

Relief

It's sort of amazing how a touch of relief for whatever reason can change everything about you. After I saw the doctor yesterday, I walked back to my car with a springier step and a smile on my face. It felt as though a load had been lifted from my shoulders that had been weighing me down. I know the news was only a slight reprieve and maybe won't happen at all but it gave me hope, something I hadn't had in a while.

I felt so much more at ease all evening and then slept like a lamb all night. The lessening of tension did that for me. I've felt this sensation many times in my life so it's quite familiar to me. When we worry, our bodies tighten up in preparation to face whatever the danger is and when the danger is lessened, our bodies loosen up. It happens all the time in one way or another.

I'm still facing radiation treatment on my lip but it's a far lesser worry for me than surgery so I expect to sail through the treatment if I'm allowed it. For now, I'll just bask in the comparative relaxation my body is enjoying.