Good Marriage/Bad Marriage

I've been thinking...probably a dangerous occupation but we seniors have lots of time to think, and reminisce.

Every day I see such loving old couples and I try to analyze what went wrong in my own marriage. In good marriages, there seems to be a tenderness displayed that I never experienced. It's truly heart-warming to watch the caring attitudes between a man and wife who have spent 50 years together and overcome every disaster possible.

I see the tenderness in a gentle touch between them or a soft and loving glance that others, not so nosy, would miss. I get all sappy when I see an elderly couple holding hands because my own husband had an abhorence of showing public affection. He could be very cold and this was one thing that made me feel quite alone at times.

The way I interpret this is that there is a bonding between a man and wife that either occurs or doesn't occur. When there is a true bonding, nothing can come between the couple...they are bonded for life. Once bonded, they feel an affection towards one another that creates the tenderness I see in so many couples here.

A husband and wife need to open up to each other and trust each other completely. I don't think my husband was able to be that vulnerable and so we lost the opportunity to bond. My own faults were multiple...a problem marriage is never one sided. Maybe if I'd had more patience...maybe...maybe.

Baby Craving

I just read my sister-in-law's blog about how happy she is to be minding her 3 grandsons while their parents are away. She sounds so tired but so happy to be with them.

For years I've gone into melt down when I see a little one. Their innocence and their brand new skin just makes me crave to touch them. I wonder sometimes how the parents feel when a strange old gal comes up to their baby and can't resist touching their little hands. I remember once coming across an Amish family who had a baby with them. When I touched the baby's little bare foot the father looked quite displeased. Maybe that was taking too much liberty in their culture...I don't know. Now, as I reach out, I watch the parent's face to see if they mind. Most are pleased to have their baby admired so I guess it's still acceptable in our own culture, thank heavens.

My own grandbabies are growing up and well past the baby stage but they still have that perfect skin and, being the Gramma, I can go a little further with my craving and caress their beautiful faces.

Oh gosh, I'm getting all weepy for them so I'd better end this blog and get ready to go out. I'm going on the casino cruise today so wish me luck.

Bingo Totem

We senior Bingo players take our game very seriously. A lot of us put little good luck totems in front of our cards but a few of us transfer good luck from our own totems to our friends and back. Picture this...Barb and I have been rubbing each other's totems for a couple of years and it seemed to bring us luck. Last week I missed Bingo on Wednesday so Barb went to Dorothy and rubbed both of their totems together...and she won. Tonight, Barb came over to our table and rubbed her totem all over mine AND Dorothy's...she won again. I haven't won in almost a month and I'm beginning to thing Barb's rubbed all the luck off my totem. I'd better warn Dorothy.

Never Enough Time

I am basically a very lazy person but I seem to involve myself in so many things at the same time that I don't have time to just be lazy.

For instance, this morning we're all going over to the clubhouse at 9 A.M. to peel veggies for our Canada Day dinner tonight. When the veggies are done we have to make punch. At 11 A.M. I'm leaving for Lakeland to go to my "supplier". I'm hoping that there is a small window of opportunity between the punch and the drive to be able to get up to the post office and mail some parcels I sold on Ebay last night. We should get back from Lakeland close to the time we have to be at the clubhouse for happy hour and then dinner.

Tomorrow morning Faye and I clean Dorothy's trailer and do her laundry. This should only take a couple of hours but I need to do my own laundry real early in the morning so that I can have the afternoon free for the pool.

Saturday morning it's my crew who has to go over to the clubhouse early in the morning to make coffee and serve donuts to the whole park. Then I need to prepare more items for sale on Ebay. It's possible that the Ebay work is what is mainly interfering with me being able to laze around. But it's so much fun!

Selling on Ebay

I sell on Ebay...really small stuff for really cheap prices. Thank heavens I look on this activity as a hobby or I would have quit long ago. Just this last week I sent parcels to Switzerland and Australia and that is one of the things about Ebay that I enjoy...actually having something that people half way across the world wants.

One of the items I've been selling a lot of lately is a garlic press. Would you believe that someone from England is willing to pay $10 plus $10 shipping for a damned garlic press? I'm a little teed off that my source has dried up before I found out how much in demand these little suckers are.

My sister-in-law's sister-in-law and brother-in-law (figure that one out) took me to a discount warehouse where I purchased all kinds of great stuff to put on Ebay. I hope they're not sorry to have turned me on to their own source of goodies. We have such a good time discussing our Ebay transactions when we're together...they do it more for a hobby, also.

I can't sell on Ebay in Canada much anymore because our shipping costs have gotten too expensive but here in the States it's a breeze. They only charge you for the parcel weight and not the size. It's simpler and cheaper by far to ship from the States.

I've got my finger in so many pies while I'm in Florida but I make sure it involves fun time. This afternoon I'm off to my painting class...it's a beautiful white swan on a black background. If I can figure out how to post the picture I'll put it in the next blog...but don't hold your breath!

Trailer Bought!

We all traipsed through the little trailer that Carole wanted us to inspect...and inspect we did! When first entering an old trailer you might want to purchase, you should use your nose. I'm happy to say there was no discernible smell. Next we tried to look beyond the clutter to see the bare bones of the trailer. It looked darned good. Trailer trash, as we're known, tend to fill our trailers with as much knick knacks as we have in our big houses and the owner of this trailer had overdone herself. I don't know how she had time to do anything but dust and clean her ornaments. But it was clean, thank heavens. I later told Carole that there was a real gem under all the clutter.

Mickey, a retired plumber, checked all the plumbing and pronounced it good. He checked the roof and found it good. I was mostly interested in the furnishings and they were good. It was rather easy to imagine how this cute little trailer would look with no clutter...we even made a few decorating decisions for Carole while we were at it.

Within an hour of just a few phone calls, Carole had made her offer of purchase and been accepted. We are thrilled to death! Carole has worked long and hard all of her life and fell in love with our park when she first visited it last year. This year she's going to be retired and ready to join us snowbirds here in Florida...in her own little snowbird nest!

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

Trailer Inspecting

We're all going trailer inspecting today. My friend, Carole, is interested in buying the trailer across the road from me but she is back in Canada so a bunch of us have to do the inspecting to make sure the trailer isn't a money pit.

Five of us are checking it out. Including the 2 owners and 1 present occupant, that will mean 8 of us in that little trailer which might mean it will be easy to hide any problems. But not with our eagle eyes! We're all looking out for Carole's interests and we won't let her buy a lemon. The 2 men in our group will search for structural problems and the women will place our discerning eyes on the decorating. I'm even taking a camera.

You'd have to know this park to know that we could have easily gotten 100 people to check this trailer out for us. We look after each other here. When we're finished our inspection, Carole will know more than if she'd looked at it herself.

I know she's sitting at home right now all excited about possibly buying her Florida trailer. And she knows she can trust us do do our best. That's what friends are for.

Second Life

I just heard of a new website/game called "Second Life". It costs the user real money to create an imaginary human form, buy imaginary property and imaginary clothes in imaginary shops. They can also buy imaginary food and imaginary new hair styles. They are, in essence, creating a completely new life for themselves...albeit imaginary. The creators of this website are making a lot of money from the sadly disfunctional human beings who think this is a logical way to escape their unsatisfactory lives.

We all would like a second chance to start over and mend the mistakes of our past but most of us know that's impossible. We just continue with our lives and try to be better people. There is an unmistakable draw to actually recreating ourselves, though, even in an imaginary way. The creators of "Second Life" understand that need all too clearly.

I realized many years ago that it is almost impossible for human beings to be completely honest with themselves and live their lives in a clean, clear-cut way. We learn from birth what works in the society we live in and we pattern our behaviour to fit into that environment. Literally, from birth we are no longer our own person...we are what we have to be to survive. Don't take my word for it...try to be perfectly honest with yourself and you'll see that it's extremely difficult.

I'm a "go with the flow" kind of person because that's the easiest way. Only occasionally do I get my back up and refuse to accept the status quo. If I were to play the "Second Life" game, nobody would recognize the real me. And that's the draw!

Personally, I think that anyone playing the game would become even more unsatisfied with their real lives. It would be traumatic to go from having it all your own way to having to deal with the way things actually are.

Just a thought...in my second life I'd be tall and thin, strong and fearless. Wouldn't we all??

Equality in Hiring

We don't hear too much anymore about equal opportunities for minorities acquiring government jobs. When it was painfully obvious that minorities were not getting their fair share of jobs, I was all for giving them a better advantage. What I don't like is the idea that a minority applicant will be hired ahead of anyone else with better qualifications. That is just another form of discrimination.

The Hispanic population in Florida is growing in leaps and bounds. I only winter here but even I can see it clearly. I have no problem with becoming a minority race in Florida. I've never been treated badly by any of the Hispanics that I come in contact with on a regular basis. In fact, they treat me with more respect than I'm used to getting. Hispanics still have a healthy respect for age.

Mexicans and Cubans seem to comprise the largest group to be flooding into Florida. For the most part they are hard working people who only want a better life for themselves and their children. Many are illegals and my heart goes out to them because they have no protection in their new country. Even though this is a major financial burden to legal taxpayers, I can't really blame these people for moving here illegally. The U.S. government is going to have to find a way to deal with them in a humane way...let them stay and make a life for themselves, and then they can become a real part of this country.

I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a country illegally, knowing that any moment you can be arrested and torn away from the life you've built for yourself. We're the lucky ones because our ancestors came to America many, many years ago when they were welcomed here. Generations have benefited from those pioneers and that is the driving force behind the illegal aliens of today. They want their descendents to benefit from their move. I hope so much that something can be worked out to make them legal citizens of their new country.

Love

I get my ideas for a blog from just about anywhere. Today I read my nieces's blog about how the love between her and her husband has changed over the past 10 years.

When I met my husband we were only 15 and 18 years old and I immediately fell deeply in love (remember Romeo and Juliet?). Don't ever believe a teenager can't fall in love...real love. Of course we were young, pretty, and full of life so it was easy to like each other.

After years of marriage and three children, I'd still melt when I looked at him (when I wasn't mad at him for something). Even when we aged and the bodies suffered from time, he could still make my heart flip-flop. It never was the body that attracted me, it was his eyes and his strength.

Unfortunately, we had differences that we could never overcome...but I still remember those eyes.

Newly Wed Game

We had our annual Valentine's evening at the clubhouse tonight. A group of people spent weeks preparing a comedy skit that faintly resembled the old Newly Wed Game. Four couples had been chosen but not given any information about the kinds of questions they'd be asked. I think they were very brave to submit themselves to the unknown...especially since we are not a prudish bunch.

After the four wives were secluded off stage, the first question asked of the men was "what size dress does your wife wear?". You never saw more terrified men in your life. No matter what they said, they were in trouble. My heart went out to the three of the four ladies who were what we like to refer to as "fluffy". The men answered as honestly as they could and so did the wives. I take my hat off to them!

A question asked of the wives was "what color underwear is your husband wearing?". The wives simply looked blank and most wondered if their husbands were even wearing underwear. We'll never look at those men the same way again!

The audience laughed uproarously all evening...most of us thankful we weren't the ones on stage. One man in the audience was visiting our park and I'm sure he was less than thrilled to be spending his evening watching amateur comedy but I was glad to see him doubled over with laughter right along with everyone else.

This happy evening will be the gift that keeps on giving because we'll all discuss it and laugh again for days to come. And those four men will probably get a lot of probing stares from us women.

Guardian Angels

Despite being a confused agnostic, I still believe I have a guardian angel. It's a man (or manlike) and his name is Michael. Don't ask me how I know this but it's been a fact of my life for many, many years. Since I'm not bible literate I'm free to form my own assumptions about life and death using logic...or sometimes just intuition. I have my own beliefs.

It seems as though I've always had a spirit figure beside me but only since about 15 years ago has he become clearer to me. It's strange but I just realized that happened when I was finally cured of depression.

Throughout my childhood and into my teen years I possessed a strong ESP but, around the time I met my husband, it disappeared. Now isn't that interesting!! I was diagnosed with depression in my early 40's and began 16 years of medication and counseling. I was finally able to stop taking all treatment and it felt as though my life was beginning all over again. That's when "Michael" returned.

Having a guardian angel doesn't mean you're aware of them all the time. My guardian angel only makes his presence known when I'm distressed. It's then I realize that I don't have to bear my personal burden alone.

It's possible I only have a vivid imagination but, if it works, why not just go along with it. There have been so many instances in my life that my ESP (or intuition) has saved my life so there's no way I'll ignore it. We've been given the gift of 5 senses but I believe intuition is a sixth sense that we don't give enough credit.

I know when my daughters read this blog they're going to start searching for a nice nursing home for me...preferably with restraints...but I hope they're open minded enough to realize there's more to life than what our 5 senses tell us.

Monk's Cloth

I've been in a panic since learning that Walmart in the States is closing their fabric department. This is where I buy almost all my fabric and this is definitely the place to buy monk's cloth used for Swedish weaving. At Walmart it costs $6 a yard, at Joanne's Fabric's it's $10 a yard, and at home in Canada it's over $18 a yard. I'm not even going to mention the excellent $1 a yard fabric that I've been buying at Walmart or it will make me cry.

I hate change. It disorients me and makes me uneasy. Just when you think there's a nice comfortable pattern to your life, it changes.

Ebay has also changed it's format again and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'm continuing to use the old format (which I hated to learn) but it will only be available for a short time. What the heck is wrong with Ebay? They have almost priced themselves out of business...I don't make much money there but it isn't a living for me. Then they keep changing the format so that it alienates dumber users like me.

Back to the monk's cloth...I hunted down every Walmart within 20 miles and bought as much monk's cloth as I could. I'm now set to make afghans for about 2-3 years. After that I may have to find another hobby!

Butt Out

We have a problem with smokers fouling the air right in front of the clubhouse. They've been told to use the smoking room at the back of the clubhouse but they don't like it for some reason. After being told continuously that non smokers detest walking through the fumes to get into the clubhouse, a non smoking sign was finally posted at the front door.

The smokers then moved a few feet out to the parking lot, continued to smoke and then tossed their butts all over the ground. Why can't they see how disgusting this is?

I lived with a heavy duty smoker for almost 48 years and nothing would convince that man that the cigarette smoke he exhaled bothered anyone. But he'd have a major tantrum if he was exposed to the smell of whatever they use on dried flowers. He once took every dried flower arrangement from a lovely hotel room we were in and set them out on the balcony...where they all blew away. I'm sure the management thought we stole them.

My son-in-law once told my daughter (who smoked at the time) that kissing her was like kissing a dirty ashtray. Maybe that's why she finally quit smoking. I've never smoked so I'm not sure just how hard it is to quit but my husband, who was a very strong willed person, was never able to quit for long. It's too bad because I think it was the smoking that gave him the esophagus cancer that killed him.

It's not my place to preach to anyone that smoking is bad for them. They are adults and can make their own choices but they have no right to subject non smokers to the dangers of cigarette smoke. Maybe we should squawk a little louder and demand our rights be respected.

Senility

My sister-in-law, Faye, and I were discussing some of the crummy things we'd had to deal with during our long lives. We might not remember what we're supposed to be doing at the moment but old hurts are never forgotten. Unless you become senile. Maybe senility is nature's way of taking away bad memories. Now, if nature was perfect, it would leave us the good memories.

We oldsters don't take senility lightly because it seems to linger in the far distance (we hope), just waiting to spring on us. We've been at the age for a while when we finish each other's sentence or thought because the speaker got stuck. We all laugh when this happens but there's always a niggling worry...have we finally met up with "senility"?

Old people, really old people, are so darned interesting when they've maintained their mental faculties. There's no-one I'd rather have a conversation with because we can learn so much from them.

I've warned my daughters that I never want to live with them when I'm unable to take care of myself. Just put me in a nice nursing home and visit me regularly. If I become senile and ask to live with them, please remember how I felt when I still had my wits. Funny, but none of them put up an argument!!

Anna Nicole Smith

That poor woman is dead. Since the first time I heard of her it seems the press has hounded the life out of her and now they can feed on her carcass. She didn't appear to be the brightest or strongest person in the public eye and she just wasn't up to taking on the press. Whenever I saw her on T.V. the press looked like ants swarming over a piece of meat. And I wondered how they could stand their jobs.

When pictures of truly grieving people are shown on the news or in print, I feel an immediate distaste for the photographer...and the editor. Some things are sacred and we should treat grief with respect.

Competition

A bunch of us ladies go over to the clubhouse most evenings of the week and play board, card, or dice games. Our game of choice lately is "Farkle" which is played with 6 dice (die?). It's interesting to watch the competitive spirit...or lack of it...in the players.

I'm competitive and love to win. I'm a good loser but a poor winner because I tend to giggle when I win. The losers don't like that. I've tried various ways over the years to temper my responses when I do win, but the giggle usually wins out.

Years ago I was playing a card game with my husband who was the world's worst loser. I kept beating him even though he had given up all pretense and had begun to openly cheat. I giggled one too many times and he overturned the coffee table we were playing on and walked away mad as hell. I rolled on the floor with laughter...and then wondered why he never wanted to play cards with me again.

People who are too competitive can't enjoy a game just for the pleasure of playing it. We call these people "poor sports" and no-one wants to play with them.

The ladies I play with have a comfortable degree of competitiveness. We like to win but we're so happy when one of our own manages a win after many losses. Playing these games is only a facade for a social gathering. It's the laughter and chatter that draws us more than the game.

Tonight our clubhouse was absolutely full of people playing one game or another...and the room was filled with laughter.

A Diaper Ride Away

I've been watching with amazement the unfolding story of the ex astronaut who went after the woman who was her love rival. She wore diapers because she didn't want to stop for a pee break on her long drive. This is true dedication to the cause.

It got me thinking about to what extent we go for love. All I ever did was hang on to a bad marriage, convincing myself that what I saw with my eyes and sensed with my mind didn't exist. We're capable of convincing ourselves of what we want to believe because to accept the truth is too painful.

I saw a lady on T.V. the other day who stalks the fiance of Beyonce. She has convinced herself that she is better for him than Beyonce although she's never met the man. She is a personable lady, well maintained, but she has this blind spot that's ruining her life.

Some women (and some men) live in a physically abusive relationship because their mate is 95% gold and only goes off on them "when they push his buttons". These women believe that if they're beaten up it must be their own fault.

Hilary Clinton stuck by her man even though he cheated on her and subjected her to public humiliation to a degree unimaginable. I don't think this was the exposure she had in mind while she was planning her own political career.

Remember the California cop who couldn't sexually satisfy his wife so he procurred many, many men to do the job for him? He also hid in the closet and watched so it's possible his good deeds weren't just for his wife.

An ongoing story is the group of 13 year old girls who viciously attacked another girl who they thought was a love rival. They acted like a pack of wild animals and ended up making ridiculous fools of themselves.

Back to the astonaut...a T.V. announcer said this morning "we're all just a diaper ride away" from behaving like idiots in the name of love. I agree.

Picture This!

My daughter, Kim, made a rude comment about what I could do with all my Elvis fabric but, in doing so, she gave me an idea. She laughingly said we could all make togas out of it and wear them to Collingwood when we go to the Elvis Festival. Here's my thought...We could make tops out of them and wear them along with carrying our Elvis totes and we'd never lose each other. How cute!

Hey Kim, bet you'll think twice before giving me any more suggestions again, right?

Little Old Lady, Me!

I got myself one of those little carts on wheels to take my laundry to the laundryroom...things seem to be getting heavier for me...and realized that I'm looking more like an old lady every day. Forget the grey hair and wrinkles...I mean losing physical abilities.

I remember when we all used to bounce out of the car when we arrived at our destination. Now it takes us so long to drag ourselves out that we get the giggles.

I used to have the tiniest bit of arthritis in the first knuckle of my index finger but now my whole hand aches slightly once in a while. When I developed the first pain in my knuckle I thought I'd broken it and had it exrayed. It never occurred to me that it could be arthritis.

A couple of years ago I discovered I could barely get back up on my feet from a kneeling position. It was kind of embarrassing because I was in the middle of my yard cleaning out the lawnmower and thought I'd have to crawl back to the house. Fortunately no one saw me and I was able to pull myself up but with great difficulty.

I'm not unique in my failings but there are plenty of people older than me who are much more agile. I'm not quite sure if it's bad genes or lack of exercise...probably a combination of both.

Anyway, we do lose some of our abilities as we age and that's a fact of life. I say "enjoy it while you have it!".

Elvis E-mail Background

I think you call it "wallpaper" but that sounds silly so I'll refer to it as "background. Anyway, I just learned how to use Elvis as background on my e-mails. I'm not sure I like the effect and one daughter and one grandson sound less than enthused about it so I might limit it to a select group of fellow Elvis lovers.

I might have gone a bit overboard with "Elvis" today. I received some pictures, stamps and fabric from Ebay...all Elvis. Then I went shopping this afternoon and was ecstatic to find 2 different prints of Elvis fabric at Walmart. I now own 15 1/2 yards of Elvis fabric...3 different prints. And I have no idea what I'll use it for.

It matters not! I'll have it "just in case" an idea hits me.

Family Problems

With all the family problems we're dealing with lately, I've taken to daydreaming about what my life would have been like if I never had children. The big problem with having children is that you never, NEVER stop worrying about them. How nice it would be to have no-one to worry about but yourself.

Firstly, I would not have married so young and might have been smart enough to obtain a decent education before selecting an interesting career. Then I would have had numerous, exciting affairs before settling down with the perfect man. I'd have a gorgeous house that never got mussed and go on very expensive vacations which I could afford. Of course, I'd never gain any weight.

If this sounds like a romance novel (which I hate and don't read) it's because there's nothing real about that picture. Life is never that easy. We have to take the good with the bad and I wouldn't give up my troublesome family for anything on earth. That doesn't stop me from wishing all of our lives were trouble free, though.

When my granddaughter, Lisette, was about 4 years old, she used to make us laugh when she'd step in front of everyone, hold up her hand, and yell "STOP!". She needed to stop all the confusion going on around her and get us organized. Right now I want to stand in front of my family and yell "STOP! Let's all get healthy, wealthy, and wise.". Do you suppose that would work?

Memorial Service

A memorial service was held here in the park this afternoon for residents who passed away in the last year. When my husband and I bought our trailer in 2000, we'd hear of people who had passed away over the summer but not recognize their names. Today there was a list of about 12 people and I knew most of them. It's always sad to come back to Florida in the fall and discover that a few of our friends had died over the summer.

I was at the service today because a dear friend of mine passed away last July and I wanted to show my respect. Lucy was a very special human being and I know I'll never meet another like her. She had a heart so big and a kindness so overwhelming that she shone. She was a shopaholic (bargains only) and had the nicest darned wardrobe that put us all to shame. Lucy, earth angel that she was, also liked a little drink and a cigarette to go with it. We had a lot of laughs over the past 7 years and I'll never forget her.

I looked around the room today and saw so many people who have become my friends since we came to this park. We're all aging and it saddens me to wonder which one of us won't be back next year. But, we're here today and enjoying life and I guess that's all we can ask for.

Coca Cola Swap Meet

I went to a Coca Cola swap meet over the weekend and learned quite a bit about Coke collectors and collections. As I walked through the exhibits I asked many questions and found "Coke Heads" to be very friendly and more than willing to share their knowledge with me. I knew absolutely nothing about collecting Coke memorabilia so I was like a sponge receiving information and attempting to remember all I'd learned.

Collectors of anything are a special breed. They love their product of choice and strive to learn more with every passing year. I bought 2 Coke catalogues at the silent auction...probably paid too much but, really, catalogues are invaluable to people like me who buy at yard sales and sell on Ebay.

I'll never be a Coke collector but I hope to find some little treasures on my yard sale jaunts and resell them to the real collectors!

What matters most about this past weekend is that I had fun, met some interesting people, and learned something new. Sure beats vegetating in front of the T.V.

Clean Your Plate

When I was a child my grandmother would insist that I eat every last scrap on my dinner plate because "There are children starving in Africa!". Thus began a lifetime of me eating everything put before me because somewhere in the world there were people starving.

In all ignorance, I used the same tactics with my own children. I'm sure they remember having to sit at the table for hours in front of plates of cold liver. I'm ashamed to say I'd often hear them gag.

We are so strongly conditioned by childhood rules that it's difficult to break free of them, even in adulthood. Today I relish the moments I can actually walk away from food left on my dinner plate...bearing only a small twinge to my conscience.

It seems to take me a long time to learn but I managed to treat my grandchildren differently. They needed only to finish their vegetables if they wanted dessert. If they refused, they could leave the table anyway and get on with their lives. It's a far cry from the torture I put my children through and I'm certain they resent me for all those times I forced them to eat cold liver. I resent me, too.